Week Nine Newsletter

[Soriambi]

Well, Week 9 is complete, and while the Squeaks are still clearly the best team in the league this year and in league history, they have fell on some tough times, losing five straight and dropping to the cellar in the Mantle Division. Don't let that fool you, though, as they have the 13th most points and are only 5th from last in the breakdown category! They are also 20th in miko's cracked out Power Rankings, where he complains about Soriambi's corruptness when he did the Power Rankings and then proceeded to place the Squeaks below the NAUGHTIES in the rankings. Pot, meet kettle. :mickey:

Oh, and I assure you, Soriambi was not at an eye doctor this week, and has never been to an eye doctor. Miko was lying as usual.

SWINGERS BEAT MIGHTY SQUEAKS, 309-289.

NEW YORK- The Squeaks played plenty well enough to win this week, but were defeated by a British guy.

The Swingers were able to overcome LaTroy Hawkins' -13 points on the week, pitching one inning and allowing five ER, thanks to some excellent pitching and a decent offense. The other two members of the bullpen, neither of which is a closer, each scored over 20 points.

Andy Sisco, a youngin' at only 21 years of age, pitched 4.2 innings, recording two saves and only allowing two hits while stealing a win for 26 points. David Riske scored 23 points, allowing 3 hits in six innings, striking out four and getting a win. On the starting side of things, Wade Miller led the way, pitching 13.1 innings in the week and allowing 4 ER for 31 points. Brad Radke scored 27 thanks to a 7 IP 2 ER performance and Carlos Silva scored 24, helped greatly by his Sunday performance against the Yankees. Livan Hernandez pitches 9 innings of two run ball, but didn't get a CG as the game was tied after nine.

Offensively, the Swingers hada few good performances. Former New York Squeak benchwarmer Geoff Blum scored 28 points to lead the offense, going 11-26 on the week with a homer and 4 RBI. Nick Swisher (the real one, not the place-holder) scored 26 points with a 10-26 week, driving in nine. Morgan Ensberg went 8-21 with 2 HR for 25 points, and Victor Martinez blasted 3 HR on his way to 25 points.

The Swingers left Kip Wells on the bench, and he scored 32 points with 7.2 innings of shutout ball.

For the Squeaks, things were pretty good, but not good enough.

John Patterson was left on the bench thanks to bad information from SL, and he scored plenty of points, though none of them seemed to registed on SL for some reason.

C.C. Sabathia was good in two starts, both QS, pitching 14.1 innings and allowing 12 hits and five runs for 38 points. Sidney Ponson also scored over 20 with a 22 point outing. Brad Lidge scored 25 points thanks to three saves, and Luis Ayala threw 4.1 innings for 20 points.

On offense, Jeff Kent, Professional Hitter scored 35.5 points, going 12-28 with 2 HR and 6 RBI. Rafael Palmeiro continued his hot hitting ways, going 5-27 but hitting a HR and driving in eight. Geoff Jenkins hit two homers on his way to 21 points.

It was the first time in recent memory that two players named Geoff have combined for 49 points in a game.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Wade Miller, SAX, 31 Points
HITTER OF THE GAME: Jeff Kent, Professional Hitter, NYS, 35.5 Points


BURNETT, PEDRO, AND MOYER POWER BOMBERS TO VICTORY OVER POWERPLANT

SPRINGFIELD- The New York Bombers offense was terrible in Week 9, but they got three pitching performances that allowed them to easily defeat a horrible Springfield score, winning 255-196.5.

Jamie Moyer, Pedro Martinez, and AJ Burnett scored 37, 36, and 35 points respectively to lift the Bombers to the W. Moyer went 12 innings, allowing 4 runs and notching 2 QSs. Pedro went 8 innings, allowing a run and 5 hits and King nine while winning the game. Burnett had two QSs as well, but couldn't even win once despite 12.1 innings of 3 run ball, striking out eight.

Their only other player to score over 20 was Placido Polanco, who hit .500 on the week (7-14) with 2 HR and 6 RBI for 24 points.

Springfield had some good performers and some very bad ones. Olmedo Saenz only had four hits on the week, going 4-16, but three of those four hits went over the fence for homers, driving in seven runs for 27.5 points. Luis Gonzalez went 9-24 with 2 HR and 3 RBI for 22 points.

On the pitching side of things, Brad Halsey pitched reasonably well, scoring 28 points in two starts, going 13 innings and allowing 6 ER. Tom Glavine was very good in his start, going 7.2 innings and allowing a single ER on his way to 25 points.

Javier Vazquez and Ryan Wagner put major wrenches in the Powerplant's plands, each scoring a considerable number of negative points. Wagner scored -14 points in relief, allowing 8 runs in 4.1 innings. Javier allowed eight of his own in four innings for -12 points.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Jamie Moyer, NYB, 37 Points
HITTER OF THE GAME: Olmedo Saenz, SPR, 27.5 Points


TEIXIERA AND GUYS WITH WOOD TRUMP FUENTE'S HEROIC RELIEF APPEARANCE FOR NAKED TRUTH

WOODYLAND- The Guys with Wood defeated The Naked Truth last week 305-293, though Brian Fuentes tried in vain to stop it.

Mark Teixiera was the star of the game for the Woodys, going 11-25 with four doubles and a triple, hitting a homer and driving in eight runs, scoring six runs, and being a part of nine DPs. He scored 45.5 points on the week. Torii Hunter was excellent as well, scoring 31.5 points while going 12-25 on the week with a homer and eight RBI of his own. Richie Sexson scored 25.5 on the week to round out the offensive stars for the Woodys.

On the mound, Doug Davis continued to sparkle, pitching eight innings and striking out seven while allowing only one ER for 31 points. Victor Zambrano jumped in on the action as well, pitching eight innings of one run ball himself for 29 points. Ryan Dempsted (2 saves) and Al Reyes (2 holds) both scored 20 even out of the pen.

For the Truth, the unlikely star was the Rockies substitute closer, Brian Fuentes. Fuentes pitched 5.2 innings during the week, recording three saves and striking out eight hitters, also picking up a win. He scored 35 points. Other pitching performances of note included Barry Zito's 7 IP 1 ER 26 point outing, and Chris Young's 7 inning QS for 21 points.

On offense, Lance Berkman scored 31.5 points, blasting 2 homers and driving in six runs. Melvin Mora (27), Julio Lugo (20), Juan Encarnacion (22) and David Eckstein (21) all had solid weeks, as well.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Mark Teixeira, GWW, 45.5 Points.
PITCHER OF THE GAME: Brian Fuentes, TNT, 35 Points.


LIGERS KEEP ROLLIN', BEAT EMPIRE 273-212.5

THE DEATH STAR- The Evil Empire wasn't very good, and The Ligers were above average, which led to a pretty easy win for the Ligers.

Roger Clemens was, once again, the Ligers best pitcher. He pitched twice and scored a fairly dissapointing (for two Clemens starts) 33 points, allowing 6 runs in 13 innings, striking out 11. Chris Carpenter added 30 with 8 innings of shutout ball on his way to a W. Ryan Madson allowed one run in 5.1 innings, picking up a win and three holds on his way to 26 points. Jose Mesa recorded three saves for 20 points. Danny Kolb retired a batter, but gave up four runs and three hits in between.

Matt Holliday excelled on offense for the Ligers, going 11-23 with 2 HR and 3 RBI for 33 points. Ben Broussard (2 HR) and Robinson Cano (one HR) scored 22.5 and 21 points respectively for the Ligers.

Robinson Cano's HR call from John Sterling is "ROBBIE CANO, DONTCHA KNOW?!" Isn't that just special?

For the Empire, things were quite dissapointing. Victor Santos scored 37 points pitching with 2 QSs, allowing only two runs in 13 innings, though he didn't even record one run. Jason Johnson added 31 with an 8 IP 1 ER, W/QS performance to round out the pitchers above 20.

On offense, only two players broke 20 points, and those two only barely did it. Paul Konerko managed 21.5 points despite going 4-20, and Jason Ellison hit a homer to get to 20 points for the week.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Roger Clemens/Matt Holliday, LIG, 33 Points
RELIEF PITCHER OF THE GAME: Ryan Madson, LIG, 26 Points.


HORSEMEN WIN HIGH SCORING CONTEST FROM LOUS, 354.5-307

LOUS STADIUM- The Horsemen had plenty of stars in Week 9, as six players scored 30 or more points as BANZAIMATSUI managed his team to a very impressive 350+ Point total.

On offense, Eric Chavez is finally starting to look like Eric Chavez. He went 10-28 in the week, hitting three homers and driving in nine runs. He managed 39 points. Jose Reyes, the Mets SS, scored 36 at 2B for the Horsemen, going 11-26 with five stolen bases.

Miguel Tejada scored 35, going 11-31 with seven extra base hits including two homers. Jason Bay and Johnny Estrada both scored over 20.

On the mound, Oliver Perez scored the most points for the Horsemen with 35. He pitched 13 innings, giving up 6 ER and striking out thirteen. Scott Kazmir pitched 13.1 innings and gave up four runs for 34 points. Huston Street looked good in relief for the Horsemen, saving two games and winning another on his way to 30 points. Daniel Cabrera managed 29 points and Josh Beckett scored 23 to rouns out the 20+ point scorers for the Horsemen.

For the Lous, two pitching performances brought them over 300. Kenny Rogers scored 55 points on the week, going 14 innings and allowing 2 runs, allowing only eight hits and winning both games he pitched. Greg Maddux was good as well, giving up four runs in 12 innings and winning twice for 40 points. Kyle Davies, Adam Eaton, and Antonio Otsuka also managed over 20 for the week.

On offense, Lew Ford was good, hitting .333 on the week with a three run homer for 26 points. Jimmy Rollins hit a homer as well on his way to 22 poitns, and Matt Lawton hit .333 on the week for 21.5 points.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Kenny Rogers, LAR, 55 Points
HITTER OF THE GAME: Eric Chavez, T4H, 39 Points



WOLVERINES GET A WHOLE LOTTA POINTS THEY DON'T NEED, BEAT ICE 363-189

THE IGLOO- The Wolverines definately didn't need 363 points, but they got them, beating the Ice easily.

Carlos Zambrano led the charge for the Wolverines, pitching 15 innings of unconciously good baseball, allowing no runs and only FOUR hits, though he did walk six. He struck out sixteen, and obviously notched two QSs, though only one of the games was a W. He scored 66 points for the performance.

Albert Pujols was the best offensive player of the week, scoring 50 points. He went 11-24 with 3 HR and 6 RBI, was a part of nine double plays, scored eight runs, and only struck out twice all week.

Neifi Perez went 14-34 on the week, scoring 34 points thanks to 2 HR and 6 RBI. Kevin Mench hit two homers of his own for 27.5 points.

Other Wolverines pitchers who scored 20+ included Chris Capuano, Brandon Webb, and Julian Tavarez.

For the Ice, Only three players scored 20 or more. Johan Santana allowed three runs in 8 innings, striking out 14 to score 32 points. Kelvim Escobar went 6 innings without allowing a run for 26 points, and Gil Meche went 6.2 innings of shutout ball for 24 points.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Carlos Zambrano, MIC, 66 Points.
HITTER OF THE GAME: Albert Pujols, MIC, 50 Points.


SLUGGERS ONLY SCORE 245.5 BUT WIN HANDILY BECAUSE THEY'RE PLAYING NAUGHTIES WHO TOTAL 194.

NEWBURGH- The Naughties were penalized 31 points this week, but those points wouldn't have been enough to beat the Sluggers, even if they hadn't been penalized.

Randy Wolf pitched very well for the Sluggers, allowing only two runs in 13.2 innings for 47 points. Jared Washburn scored 21 in two starts. On offense, FORMER SQUEAK Garrett Anderson scored 28 points thanks to a 11-26 week with 2 HR and 6 RBI. Rob Mackowiak also managed 22.5 points.
A few players scored 20 for the Naughties, but the top point total of the week for them was 24. Jason Marquis pitched twice, scoring 24. Phil Nevin went 9-23 on the week for 24 of his own. Three players scored 20 for the Naughties, namely Luis Castillo, Randy Winn, and Carl Everett.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Randy Wolf, TUG, 47 Points
HITTER OF THE GAME: Garrett Anderson, TUG, 28 Points


HOLDOUTS SHOWING LIFE: BEAT KILL 267-254

HOLDOUT STADIUM- The Holdouts didn't play brilliantly, but they played well enough to win.

Carlos Lee went 11-27 with 2 HR and 8 RBI, scoring 33 points on the week for the Holdouts. Miguel Cabrera and Mark Grudzielanek scored 23 and 23.5 each.

Randy Johnson led the pitchers for the Holdouts, pitching a CG loss for 29 points. Bret Tomko added 28 points in two starts, and Joe Mays scored 20 with a 6.1 IP 2 ER performance. Eddie Guardado scored 25 on the week with 3 saves.

For the Kill, Mark Redman's 14 IP and 2 ER for 45 points wasn't good enough, despite the 45 points it brought the Kill. Aaron Rowand blasted a homer and went 10-21 on the week for 31.5 points. Preston Wilson, Aramis Ramirez, and Mike Lieberthal all also managed over 20 points, as did Bobby Abreu and Darin Erstad. The offensive star, though, once again, was Derrek Lee, who would win the Triple Crown if the season ended today. He went 16-33 with a homer and 6 RBI on his way to 39 points.

So how did the Kill lose? Thirty negative pitching points is the answer. Noah Lowry, Brian Moehler, and Jason Schmidt all scored -5 points. Guillermo Mota, on the other hand, made the major difference, with -15 points. He allowed seven runs in 2.2 IP.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Mark Redman, RHO, 45 Points.
HITTER OF THE GAME: Derrek Lee, RHO, 39 Points.


HAHAHAHA DANNY HAREN OF THE LOOKALIKES BEATS THE GIGAWATTS 294-275.5 HAHAHAHAHA

LOS ANGELES- HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAAHHA.

Danny Haren beat the Gigawatts. DANNY HAREN. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Haren went 16 innings allowing 3 ER and 9 hits, striking out 9, while notching two victories, two QSs, and a CG for 72 points. HAHAHA. It's obvious that Vito is just cursed, so he should start rebuilding. HAHAHA.

Nick Johnson was very good for the Lookalikes as well, scoring 37.5 points with a BA well over .500 for the week (12-22). Alfonso Soriano managed 26.5 points, and Carl Crawford 21. David Ortiz also added 22.5.

Other than Haren, the pitching wasn't tremendous. Tomo Ohka scored 20 points in two starts, and Billy Wagner had three saves for 22 points.

For the Gigawatts, Ben Sheets scored 2 points. He was outscored by SEVENTY POINTS BY DANNY HAREN. HAHAHA. Roy Oswalt scored 28 points and Andy Pettitte added 24. On offense, Michael Young scored 34.5 points, going 13-28 with a homer and 4 RBI. Chase Utley went 8-21 with a homer for 32 points. Cliff Floyd and Jermaine Dye both scored over 20 as well, as did Hideki Matsui.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: DANNY HAREN, NOM, 72 POINTS HAHAHAHAHA.
HITTER OF THE GAME: Nick Johnson, NOM, 37.5 Points.


THE MARAUDERS STILL SUCK, BUT BEAT JACKS 346.5-258

THE WOODS- The Marauders almost scored 350 points this week, and the D-Trains only scored a combined 52 points.

Vernon Wells scored 37 points on the week to lead the Marauders offense, blasting four homers along the way and driving in eight runs. Carlos Delgado scored four runs and drove in three, hitting two homers on his way to 32 points. Daryl Ward rounded out the 20+ point scorers on offense with 27 points, going 7-20 with a homer.

On the mound, Aaron Harang scored 37 points despite giving up 6 ER in 12.2 innings, in large part due to his 17 Ks. Mark Buehrle gave up six of his oen in 14.2 innings for 32 points. Dontrelle gave up 3 ER in 8 IP for 20 points, and Josh Fogg gave up one run in six IP for 21 points. Chad Cordero scored 32 points thanks to 4 saves.

The Lumberjacks were led by JD Drew's 37 points. He went 9-25 with 3 HR and 6 RBI. Clint Barmes wasn't far behind, scoring 36 of his own, going 11-32 with a homer on the week. Raul Ibanez, Reggie Sanders, David Wright, Chone Figgins, and Sean Casey all scored 20 or more as well.

The only pitcher to score 20 or more for the Jacks was Brad Penny, who scored 26 in two starts.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Aaron Harang/Vernon Wells, MAR, 37 points
RELIEF PITCHER OF THE GAME: Chad Cordero, MAR, 32 Points.

BIG_E'S SPREADSHEET CORNER
TOP TEN OFFENSIVE SCORERS OF THE WEEK
1) Albert Pujols, Michigan Wolverines (50 points)
2) Mark Teixeira, Guys with Wood (45.5 points)
3) Eric Chavez, The 4 Horsemen (39 points)
3) Derrek Lee, Rhode Kill (39 points)
5) Nick Johnson, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (37.5 points)
6) J.D. Drew, The Lumberjacks (37 points)
6) Vernon Wells, The Marauders (37 points)
8) Clint H. Barmes, The Lumberjacks (36 points)
8) Jose B. Reyes, The 4 Horsemen (36 points)
10) Jeff Kent, New York Squeaks (35.5 points)

TOP FIFTEEN OFFENSIVE SCORERS ON THE SEASON
1) Derrek Lee, Rhode Kill (313 points)
2) Albert Pujols, Michigan Wolverines (289 points)
3) Mark Teixeira, Guys with Wood (262.5 points)
4) Brian Roberts, talian Ice (252 points)
5) Miguel Tejada, The 4 Horsemen (242 points)
6) Bobby Abreu, Rhode Kill (241 points)
7) Alex Rodriguez, Springfield Nuclear Powerplant (238 points)
8) Carlos Delgado, The Marauders (235.5 points)
9) Alfonso Soriano, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (230.5 points)
10) Jeff Kent, New York Squeaks (229.5 points)
11) Nick Johnson, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (222 points)
12) Clint H. Barmes, The Lumberjacks (221.5 points)
13) Paul Konerko, Evil Empire (214.5 points)
14) Carlos Lee, Boras's Holdouts (208 points)
15) David Ortiz, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (206.5 points)

TOP TEN PITCHERS OF THE WEEK (OVERALL)
1) Dan Haren, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (72 points)
2) Carlos Zambrano, Michigan Wolverines (66 points)
3) Kenny Rogers, Larrupin' Lou's (55 points)
4) Glendon Rusch, NY Bombers (49 points)
5) Randy Wolf, Tugger's Sluggers (47 points)
6) Mark Redman, Rhode Kill (45 points)
7) Greg Maddux, Larrupin' Lou's (40 points)
8) C.C. Sabathia, New York Squeaks (38 points)
9) Victor Santos, Evil Empire (37 points)
9) Jamie Moyer, NY Bombers (37 points)
9) Aaron Harang, The Marauders (37 points)

TOP FIFTEEN PITCHERS OF THE YEAR:
1) Roy Halladay, The Lumberjacks (325 points)
2) Dontrelle Willis, The Marauders (303 points)
3) Pedro Martinez, NY Bombers (302 points)
4) Johan Santana, Italian Ice (287 points)
5) Roger Clemens, The Ligers (286 points)
6) Brett Myers, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (276 points)
7) Jake Peavy, The Naked Truth (268 points)
8) Mark Buehrle, The Marauders (259 points)
8) Josh Beckett, The 4 Horsemen (259 points)
10) Kenny Rogers, Larrupin' Lou's (258 points)
11) Chris Carpenter, The Ligers (252 points)
12) Carlos Zambrano, Michigan Wolverines (241 points)
13) Roy Oswalt, Doc's 1.21 Gigawatts (239 points)
14) Bartolo Colon, Guys with Wood (236 points)
15) A.J. Burnett, NY Bombers (234 points)
15) Mark Redman, Rhode Kill (234 points)
15) Livan Hernandez, Saxmania's Swingers (234 points)

TOP 3 RP OF THE WEEK:
1) Brian Fuentes, The Naked Truth 35 points)
2) Chad Cordero, The Marauders (32 points)
3) Huston Street, The 4 Horsemen (30 points)

TOP 5 RP OVERALL:
1) Chad Cordero, The Marauders (151 points)
2) Scot Shields, The Lumberjacks (151 points)
3) B.J. Ryan, Evil Empire (146 points)
4) Dustin Hermanson, Tugger's Sluggers (137 points)
5) Joe Nathan, Newburgh Naughties (136 points)

[miko]

Just abusing my co-commish powers.

[Soriambi]

Originally Posted by miko

Just abusing my co-commish powers.

Jerk.

[Soriambi]

Well, there you go. All re-opened. Have at it.

[Hitman23]

That's right Kevin, keep kicking me when I'm down.....

[Soriambi]

Originally Posted by Hitman23

That's right Kevin, keep kicking me when I'm down.....

Well, you can't say it wasn't dissapointing. At least I didn't laugh at you over and over like I did to Vito's team. :mickey:

[Hitman23]

Originally Posted by Soriambi

Well, you can't say it wasn't dissapointing. At least I didn't laugh at you over and over like I did to Vito's team. :mickey:

How can I be dissapointed when I already know the outcome? I have no shot. Santos and Johnson are working out well for me. Too bad they don't have the actual guys I drafted and traded for to lead my staff to help them out.