Week Six Newsletters

[Soriambi]

As it's finals week, I got some help from Eric on the game stories, as we each did half of them. The first half are Eric's, the second half mine. Thanks, Eric!

Empire spank Naughties, 267-154.

It was going to be tough for the Naughties to beat the Evil Empire with a full lineup, but with David Wells and Kerry Wood on the DL (but in the active lineup) things were going to be downright near impossible. Add to that Ted Lilly (-13 points) and Paul Wilson (-5 points), and you don’t exactly have a recipe for success. Only Jason Marquis (20 points) contributed to the team, meaning their five starters totaled only 2 points for the week. With Octavio Dotel doing his best Ted Lilly impersonation (-13 points), the relievers scored only 3 points as a unit against the Empire. Three points from the relievers. Two from the starters. If my math is right, two plus three is five. Though we don’t keep official records on the subject, five might be the lowest score ever by a pitching staff for a week.

The Empire didn’t have a great week either – 10 other teams would have beaten them in Week 6. But they had enough to beat the understaffed Naughties. Four players – BJ Ryan, Paul Konerko, Brett Boone and Gary Sheffield all scored at least 25 points, and Mike Hampton’s middling 6 points for the week still beat all 8 Naughties pitchers combined.

Hitter of the Week: Trot Nixon, Newburgh Naughties, 37.5 points
Pitcher of the Week: BJ Ryan, Evil Empire, 25 points

Bombers handle the Truth, 322-229.5

When can you get a -12 score from a pitcher and still win your game by nearly 100 points? When you get 5 other players with 34 or more points, of course. And that’s what happened for the Bombers, as Jamie Moyer stunk up the field with his 2.1 IP, 5 ER, 10 H performance last week for -12 points. Luckily, Adam Dunn (38.5), Placido Polanco (34), Craig Biggio (36.5), Kevin Millwood (41) and John Lackey (35) were there to pick up the slack for the Bombers.

On the other side, Jeff Bagwell was injured and scored zero points, putting the Truth in an immediate hole they couldn’t climb out of, and it also didn’t help that their bench players out-performed their starters straight down the line. Only two Bombers – Jake Peavy and Chris Young (34 and 32 points, respectively) scored over 30 points for the week. The Truth only hit .233 as a team, and their 5 home runs for the week were fewer than Tino Martinez had all by himself (6).

Hitter of the Week: Adam Dunn, NY Bombers, 38.5 points
Pitcher of the Week: Kevin Millwood, NY Bombers, 41 points

Horsemen coral Lookalikes, 292.5-230.5

Even though The 4 Horsemen got 62 points from Brandon Backe and another 46 from Daniel Cabrera, the Lookalikes almost pulled out the victory. They came back and took a lead on Sunday afternoon for a while, but in the end were doomed by three starting pitchers – Dan Haren (1 point), Ramon Ortiz (2 points) and Derek Lowe (5 points). 8 points from 3 pitchers will not help you make up a 62 point deficit. In fact if you count Jose Valverde (-1) and Jason Frasor (1), you still get 8 points, but from 5 pitchers. Not the way to win games.

Besides Backe and Cabrera, the Horsemen only had one player score over 25 points – Miguel Tejada (27.5), but it was enough to carry them to the victory. In fact, the Horsemen were shorthanded this week as Oliver Perez didn’t pitch, though he was a better option than Ryan Drese who scored -12 on the bench. The pitchers who did play though, went 4-1, with a 2.77 ERA and 1.089 WHIP.

Hitter of the Week: Milton Bradley, Lookalikes, 30.5 points
Pitcher of the Week: Brandon Backe, Horsemen, 62 points

Guys with Wood slide past the Italian Ice

So much of the Ice’s success this year depends on the arm of Johan Santana, you know it’s going to be a long week when he only scores 7 points. But that’s what happened this week, and it caused the Ice to melt in front of the Woodies. Even Brian Roberts (34.5), Ken Griffey, Jr. (32.5) and Ichiro Suzuki (33) could not overcome the mediocre work of Santana. The rest of the staff – Al Leiter, Chan Ho Park, Gil Meche and Kelvim Escobar didn’t help much either, as Park and Escobar joined Santana in the single-digit scoring category. As a staff, the Ice had an ERA of over 5.30, and a WHIP of nearly 1.50 for the week. Even 12 HR and a .314 team BA can’t overcome such a weak pitching performance.

Outside of Doug Davis (26 points) and Zack Greinke (48 points), the Woodies didn’t have much to celebrate either, but those two players provided enough points to win the game. Richie Sexson was the only regular player to score over 30 points, while Lohse, Benson and Colon (the other 3 SP for the Woodies) combined to score only 4 points. But the staff combined for an ERA of 3.40, and a WHIP of less than 1.250, while their relief corps picked up the slack left behind by the starters (31 points, combined). The Guys with Wood were the “Lucky Team of the Week”, as their total points scored was the lowest for any winning squad. Both teams will have to do better in Week 7 if they want to add a point to the “W” column.

Hitter of the Week: Brian Roberts, Italian Ice, 34.5 points
Pitcher of the Week: Zack Greinke, Guys with Wood, 48 points

Lumberjacks chop down the Holdouts, 319-292

The Lumberjacks, behind an incredible 70 points from Roy Halladay, held on to beat the Holdouts 319-292 in Week 6. Josh Towers, Mike Mussina and Bob Wickman all contributed over 20 points from the mound, while Sean Casey, Clint Barmes and Craig Monroe provided a boost to the offense. Barmes continued his incredible season by hitting .333 and slugging .611 over the 7-days, while contributing 35 more points to the ‘Jacks victory. The Lumberjacks were 4-2, with 3 Saves off the mound, and their pitchers combined for an ERA of just 2.47 and a WHIP of 1.137 for the week.

For the Holdouts, Bret Tomko (52 points) and Randy Johnson (39 points) were the bright spots on their team, while Danny Bautista (-14 points) almost single-handedly caused their defeat. Getting zero points from Sammy Sosa (injured, but in the active lineup) didn’t help either. The Holdouts managed to go 5-1 with 4 Saves for the week, but their team ERA of 4.67 killed any chances of victory. Bautista was the worst (19.286) but the usually-reliable Keith Fouke (6 points) was roughed up last week to a tune of a 12.000 ERA.

Hitter of the Week: Clint Barmes, The Lumberjacks, 35 points
Pitcher of the Week: Roy Halladay, The Lumberjacks, 70 points

SQUEAKS FALL TO .500 AS LOUS HAVE BIG WEEK

LOUS FIELD- For the second straight week, Kenny Rogers starred for the Larrupin’ Lous as they scored 323 points, beating the defending champion New York Squeaks 323-248.

Rogers accounted for 43 of those points, pitching a complete game shutout and allowing only six hits. Greg Maddux was good as well, throwing 11.2 innings during the week, allowing four runs and ten hits and striking out twelve for 35 points. Adam Eaton and Jeff Suppan also had 20+ point performances, and Trevor Hoffman had a symmetrical 3 saves, 3 IP, 3 Ks for 27 points.

On the offensive side of things, Johnny Damon scored 26 points, leading the Lous, by going 10-26. Aaron Miles (22) and Jimmy Rollins (21) also had decent weeks but it was an uninspiring offensive performance for the Lous, who were carried by the pitching.

The Squeaks got some good offensive performances, but not great pitching. Coco Crisp led the team with 36 points, going 10-22 and pounding 2 HR. Derek Jeter scored 30.5, going 11-26 with two homers of his own, driving in five. Garrett Atkins came into his own, scoring 21 points, including two homers. Rafael Palmeiro also blasted two HR on his way to 24.5 points.

Pitching-wise, the Squeaks god some good pitching, but no dominant performances. Mark Prior was great in his start, giving up only two hits in seven innings and King seven for 26 points and Sidney Ponson scored 21 points, pitching eight innings and allowing two runs. C.C. Sabathia only managed an average of 8 points a start in his two starts. Brad Lidge pitched well out of the pen for 21 points. The Squeaks major problems were Joel Pineiro, who scored -14 points, and Jeff Kent and Shawn Green combining for less than 20 points.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Kenny Rogers, LOU, 43 Points

HITTER OF THE GAME: Coco Crisp, NYS, 36 Points


SLUGGERS DON’T SLUG OTHER THAN HELTON, BUT BEAT POWERPLANT ANYWAY

PHILLY- Todd Helton and Randy Wolf led the Tugger’s Sluggers baseball squad to a low scoring win over Springfield, 265-225.5.

Helton connected for two longballs and drove in 5 runs while going 12-24 on the week. He also hit five doubles and walked eight times, scoring ten times on his way to 48 points. Brian Giles also hit .500 with a 9-18 week, good for 26.5 points and Angel Berroa, the SS, managed 20.5 points. On the mound, the Sluggers had two bright spots. Randy Wolf threw 13 innings of four run, eleven hit ball, striking out twelve for 41 points. Dustin Hermanson recorded three saves on the week for 26 points.

For the Powerplant, things were not good. Their offense was led by Cesar Izturis of all players, who went 11-29 on the week for 27.5 points. Juan Uribe (22 points) and Austin Kearns (20.5 points) also scored 20+. Mark Mulder led the pitching staff with 28 points in two starts and Javy Vazquez added 22 with a good outing. Their best player of the week, Tom Glavine, was left on the bench with 30 points.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Todd Helton, TUG, 48 Points

PITCHER OF THE GAME: Randy Wolf, TUG, 41 Points


SWINGERS RIDE TINO, ENSBERG, TO IMPROBABLE VICTORY OVER KILL, 356.5-322

THE HIGHWAY- Going into Sunday, the Swingers were 40 points down. They would need some offensive heroics to be able to pull out a win over the Rhode Kill. Constantino Martinez of the Yankees and Morgan Ensberg of the Astros provided the offense they needed, slugging two and three HRs respectively on Sunday to deliver the Swingers a W.

Tino, who is as hot as a hitter can get right now, scored 56 points on the week, going 9-23 with an incredible 6 HR and 15 RBI. He also scored 10 times. Ensberg wasn’t quite as pointy, scoring “only” 42.5, going 12-23 with 4 HR and 7 RBI. Their offense, along with a 22.5 point week for Kevin Millar and a 25.5 point week for Ryan Klesko, was more than enough to secure a win.

Livan Hernandez also scored over 40 for the Swingers, pitching 13.1 innings and getting two Ws and two QSs. Brad Radke also added 24 points.

Rhode Kill had two of the best performances of the year, but it was not enough to put them over the top. Bobby Abreu shockingly out-hit both Tino and Ensberg with a 61.5 point week, going 14-24 (.583) with 6 HRs of his own and 12 RBI. Mark Redman pitches twice for the Kill, throwing two CGS and giving up only 2 runs in 17 innings, while allowing only 10 hits. He tallied 75 points. The only other player that made a very significant contribution was Felipe Lopez with 33 points.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Mark Redman, RHO, 75 Points

HITTER OF THE GAME: Bobby Abreu, RHO, 61.5 Points

WOLVERINES WIN RELATIVELY TAME BATTLE OF BEHEMOTHS OVER LIGERS, 269-254.5

LIGERTOWN, USA- The Ligers and Wolverines are looking like definite contenders, so Week 6 was a definite test for both of them. The Wolverines came out on top.

Andruw Jones was zoned in for the Wolverines, hitting 4 HR and driving in six for 39 points. Albert Pujols was consistent as always, scoring 29 points thanks to a pair of homers. Eric Hinske also added 25 points. On the mound, Brandon Webb scored 31 points, Matt Morris managed 27 points, and the bullpen of Mariano Rivera (25), Julian Tavarez (22), and Mike Timlin (15) managed 63 points combined.

For the Ligers, Roger Clemens led the way with 65 points, allowing just one earned run in 15 innings, allowing only nine hits, striking out 16, and actually getting the run support to win both games. He scored 65 points, and is simply incredible. The other pitchers were good as well, save John Thomson and his -9 score. Chris Carpenter managed 24 points, Orlando Hernandez had 22, and Bronson Arroyo had 21.

Offensively, Manny Ramirez led the way for the Ligers, scoring 26.5 points. It wasn’t exactly Manny-like, but it was decent. Ben Broussard managed 22 points of his own, and Scott Podsednik stole 7 bases during the week for a 21.5 point score. The Ligers were crushed by catcher Ivan Rodriguez, who, despite having a full week’s worth of ABs, scored -.5 points for the week, thanks to a 2-20 week with 5 Ks. Ryan Madson also had a horrible week, scoring -11 points.


MARAUDERS CANADIA THEIR WAY OVER GIGAWATTS 342.5-292.

SOMEWHERE IN CANADA (No one really knows where anything is there)- The D-Train road again, but Aaron Harang was the star for the Marauders this week.

Harang scored 44 points, allowing 5 runs in 16 innings and getting one win. Willis scored 29 points thanks to an 8 inning performance in which he gave up one run, and Mark Buehrle wasn’t far behind with an 8 inning 3 run performance of his own for 28 points. Carlos Lee rounded out the “good” pitchers with a 23 point game during the week. Chad Cordero added 22 out of the pen.

Offensively, Craig Counsel and Alex Rios shared team honors with 31.5 points. Rios hit two homers and Counsel one. Daryl Ward scored 26.5 and Carlos Delgado scored 21 to complete the offense.

The ‘Watts were solid but unspectacular. Their top scoring player, Shea Hillenbrand, scored only 26.5 points, but several players (Brandon Inge, 25; Hideki Matsuil 24.5; Brian Hawpe, 21.5; Chase Utley, 21; and Joe Randa, 21.5) scored over 20 points.

Pitching-wise, no one scored 20 points, but every single pitcher other than Gustavo Chacin scored between 15 and 19.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Aaron Harang, MAR, 44 Points.

HITTER OF THE GAME: Alex Rios, Craig Counsel, MAR/MAR, 31.5 Points.

BIG E'S SPREADSHEET CORNER
TOP TEN OFFENSIVE SCORERS OF THE WEEK
1) Bobby Abreu, Rhode Kill (61.5 points)
2) Tino Martinez, Saxmania's Swingers (56 points)
3) Todd Helton, Tugger's Sluggers (48 points)
4) Morgan Ensberg, Saxmania's Swingers (42.5 points)
5) Andruw Jones, Michigan Wolverines (39 points)
6) Adam Dunn, NY Bombers (38.5 points)
7) Trot Nixon, Newburgh Naughties (37.5 points)
8) Craig Biggio, NY Bombers (36.5 points)
9) Coco Crisp, New York Squeaks (36 points)
10) Clint H. Barmes, The Lumberjacks (35 points)

TOP FIFTEEN OFFENSIVE SCORERS ON THE SEASON
1) Brian Roberts, Italian Ice (201 points)
2) Derrek Lee, Rhode Kill (193 points)
3) Albert Pujols, Michigan Wolverines (180.5 points)
4) Bobby Abreu, Rhode Kill (169 points)
5) Clint H. Barmes, The Lumberjacks (167.5 points)
6) Todd Helton, Tugger's Sluggers (166 points)
7) Miguel Tejada, The 4 Horsemen (164.5 points)
8) Jeff Kent, New York Squeaks (162 points)
9) Alfonso Soriano, Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (159.5 points)
10) Tino Martinez, Saxmania's Swingers (155.5 points)
11) Alex Rodriguez, Guys with Wood (154.5 points)
12) Troy Glaus, Italian Ice (152 points)
13) Derek Jeter, New York Squeaks (150.5 points)
14) Mark Teixeira, Guys with Wood (150 points)
15) Gary Sheffield, Evil Empire (146.5 points)

TOP TEN PITCHERS OF THE WEEK (OVERALL)
1) Mark Redman, Rhode Kill (75 points)
2) Roy Halladay, The Lumberjacks (70 points)
3) Roger Clemens, The Ligers (65 points)
4) Brandon Backe, The 4 Horsemen (62 points)
5) Brett Tomko, Boras's Holdouts (52 points)
6) Zack Greinke, Guys with Wood (48 points)
7) Daniel Cabrera, The 4 Horsemen (46 points)
8) Erik Bedard, Saxmania's Swingers (45 points)
9) Aaron Harang, The Marauders (44 points)
10) Kenny Rogers, Larrupin' Lou's (43 points)
10) Shawn Estes, The Ligers (43 points)

TOP FIFTEEN PITCHERS OF THE YEAR:
1) Dontrelle Willis, The Marauders (229 points)
2) Roger Clemens, The Ligers (218 points)
3) Roy Halladay, The Lumberjacks (217 points)
4) Brett Myers,Nomo Lookalikes Who Sell Pizza in the Pavilions (207 points)
5) Johan Santana, Italian Ice (203 points)
6) Pedro Martinez, NY Bombers (202 points)
7) Jon Garland, The Naked Truth (188 points)
8) Jake Peavy, The Naked Truth (183 points)
9) A.J. Burnett, NY Bombers (182 points)
10) Josh Beckett, The 4 Horsemen (175 points)
11) Mark Buehrle, The Marauders (172 points)
11) Mark Redman, Rhode Kill (172 points)
13) Erik Bedard, Saxmania's Swingers (168 points)
13) Brad Radke,Saxmania's Swingers (168 points)
15) Mike Hampton, Evil Empire (165 points)
15) Jeremy Bonderman, Tugger's Sluggers (165 points)
15) Randy Johnson, Boras's Holdouts (165 points)

TOP 3 RP OF THE WEEK:
1) Trevor Hoffman, Larrupin' Lou's (27 points)
2) Dustin Hermanson, Tugger's Sluggers (26 points)
3) Ugueth Urbina, NY Bombers (25 points)
3) B.J. Ryan, Evil Empire (25 points)
3) Mariano Rivera, Michigan Wolverines (25 points)

TOP 5 RP OVERALL:
1) B.J. Ryan, Evil Empire (111 points)
2) Dustin Hermanson, Tugger's Sluggers (108 points)
3) Joe Nathan, Newburgh Naughties (106 points)
4) Francisco Rodriguez, Doc's 1.21 Gigawatts (103 points)
5) Scot Shields, The Lumberjacks (101 points)

[BrianNYYanks]

I do feel Lucky to win that one! My team rots...

[Stupid Flanders]

Eric's headlines are classic

[Stupid Flanders]

Oh yes, yours are very nice too, Kev

[Soriambi]

Originally Posted by Stupid Flanders

Oh yes, yours are very nice too, Kev

I've always been awful with titles/headlines. Every time I write a paper for a class, the title is always something like, "Final Paper" or "Assignment Two."

[Saxmania]

Both of yours are very good, but I feel SanFrANSKY's were the best, simply for the total punnage per paragraph. But then, he was able to blow all his puns at once, since he only did a couple of writeups. The writeup season's a marathon, not a sprint, I had to tell him.

Anyway, outstanding job this week, especially on the Swingers' dramatic, come-from-behind (down, Steve), never-say-die victory.

Be seeing you,

Saxmania

[patrick.o]

Bombers handle the Truth, 322-229.5
.... and it also didn’t help that their bench players out-performed their starters straight down the line.

I wasn't happy with the way some of my decisions turned out, but even if I had all the right guys active I still would have lost handily. The Bombers just bombed me.

Nice write-ups, guys.