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  1. #1
    To hell with all of 'em Chris's Avatar
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    Jazz: John Starks Has Testicle Removed

    by Fanball Staff - Fanball.com
    Wednesday, April 25, 2001


    News
    According to wire services, John Starks missed Game 2 of Utah's first-round playoff series against Dallas after undergoing what the team called "a minor medical procedure." Uh, "minor?" The Salt Lake Tribune is reporting that Starks underwent surgery to have a testicle removed at the University of Utah Hospital on Tuesday afternoon. The report said Stark's estimated recovery time is between 72 and 96 hours. He is listed as questionable for Saturday's Game 3 in Dallas and probable for Game 4 (if necessary) next Tuesday.

    Views
    First of all, the fact that Starks' postseason isn't over is amazing. Second, getting him into the mix in this lively series will only add to the fun. Finally, we're guessing Shawn Marion is breathing a little easier right about now.

  2. #2
    That's terrible news. Basketball should be the least of his worries at this time. If that is minor I can only wonder what something major means to them.

    I am guessing that there was a tumor found and hope nothing has spread. Get Well Soon.

  3. #3
    NYYF Legend

    Danmel's Avatar
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    That's a really sick caption, Chris! He probably has testicular cancer which is no joke- ask Lance Armstrong! (or my husband's Aunt Carol, who lost a son to that disease) I know sometimes the puns can be irresistible, but I think you should have resisted this one!
    "...man can now fly in the air like a bird, swim under the ocean like a fish, he can burrow into the ground like a mole. Now, if only he could walk the earth like a man, this would be paradise." Tommy Douglas- The "Greatest" Canadian.

  4. #4
    Danmel, I thought it was hysterical. Not the content, but the pun was funny, you gotta give him that!

    -jim
    "The only thing I know about baseball is that whatever the manager does is wrong" - Moe

  5. #5
    To hell with all of 'em Chris's Avatar
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    Danmel

    Often the funniest jokes are made from the most serious subjects.

    Sometimes if you can't laugh you'll cry.

    I love John Starks but my making fun isn't risking his other testicle and my being serious won't get it back.

    But I do apologize if anyone found it in bad taste.

  6. #6
    NYYF Legend

    #1PaFan's Avatar
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    Oh man! Chris, I'm laughing my ass off here.
    ....

  7. #7
    NYYF Legend

    Danmel's Avatar
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    it kind of reminded me of when Sonny Bono died crashing into a tree on a ski slope and Newsdays headline featured him at the Capitol building with the caption "Sonny's Last Run" kinda sick!
    "...man can now fly in the air like a bird, swim under the ocean like a fish, he can burrow into the ground like a mole. Now, if only he could walk the earth like a man, this would be paradise." Tommy Douglas- The "Greatest" Canadian.

  8. #8
    "life is a goof"
    "The only thing I know about baseball is that whatever the manager does is wrong" - Moe

  9. #9
    NYYF Legend

    Slippery Elm's Avatar
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    Lucky for Starks it was done under anesthesia. When the late and unlamented Tupac Shakur had one of his gun battles. . . he wound up having one of them shot off. After which he was called Onepac.

  10. #10
    All decked out... allybear's Avatar
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    Home is where the heart is
    All I can say is...ow!

    And double "ow" for Tupac...shot off is a sad way to go!

    I hope Starks will be OK - he was always one of my favorite Knicks, and I was hoping he'd do well for the Jazz in the playoffs.

    To be sane is more dramatic than to be mad - GK Chesterton, Orthodoxy

  11. #11
    pitching wins championships. Eddie160's Avatar
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    hey chriscary I have to say that it's been a while since I've lmao so hard. this was tragic yet funny at the same time, I guess I've got that same cruel sence of humor. I hit the floor when I read the line "being serious wont bring it back" what a classic.
    [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS]though I may live in Jacksonville Fl my heart is still in Brooklyn. Born a Yankees fan will die a Yankees fan. [/FONT][/B]

  12. #12
    Happy Holidays!! b-ball-lunachick's Avatar
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    LMAO, Chris on the pun and the commentary!!

    Originally posted by Luvtino

    I am guessing that there was a tumor found and hope nothing has spread. Get Well Soon.
    Actually Luvtino, it wasn't a tumor but something called testicular torsion or a "twisted testicle"...okay, I'm a girl and this sounds painful to ME!! I have to agree with Chris that nothing about this sounds minor and I can't believe Starks may not be done for the season...I loved Starks since he was a Knick and I wish him all the best!!

    Here's a few more gorey details --
    CAUTION -- men may choose not to read further :

    http://espn.go.com/nba/playoffs2001/...3/1184757.html

    Dr. Tony Middleton Jr., chief of urology at LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City, said torsion occurs when a testicle becomes twisted 360 degrees and its blood supply is cut off.

    Patients complain of swelling and extreme pain in the testicle. Prompt treatment, usually within four hours, is required. Sometimes doctors can untwist the testicle by hand, but surgery often is necessary.

    "We'll open up and untwist the testicle, then give it a few minutes to see if that restores the blood supply. It will pink up," Middleton said. "More often than not, the testicle remains dark and that indicates the tissue has died."

    In that case, the testicle must be removed because gangrene can set in.

    OUCH!!
    "Happiness is...a thumb and a blanket."

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