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  1. #1
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    John Madden Story

    I was sitting at the Bar in Brett Favre's yesterday before the game and I was talking to this effing HILARIOUS guy named Tom from Jersey. He too was a Packer fan and Owner. (His wife's name is Roseanne, which was a great story too since he met Tom Arnold once: "Eff that bitch!!! She's gonna kill herself.")

    Anyway, we were just talking about assholes like Randy Moss and we started talking about John Madden. Tom won a contest from WFAN to meet Madden and go to a game on his "Maddencruiser."

    The wife and him got a Limo to ride to Madden's place, which is the Dakota. (OK, THAT would have seriously freaked me out.) The doorman allowed them to go in and the guy called Madden to tell him that he had visitors. Tom said he could hear Madden screaming "Who the hell is that?"

    When Madden finally came down, he wouldn't even shake Tom's hand. "Oh, you're the guy that woke me up." Tom said he tried to talk to the guy and he acted like him & his wife weren't even there. He also said that Madden was eating like a pig at a trough and had crap all over himself.

    After the game (at Giants Stadium) the Limo to take them home wasn't there. Tom didn't have a cell phone at the time and when he tried to get some help from Madden, the guy just rolled his eyes and got on his bus.

    I didn't do justice to the story. Tom had me absolutely cracking up. It was a good time drinking with the man.
    ....

  2. #2
    My photograph. Soriambi's Avatar
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    Re: John Madden Story

    That's a pretty funny story George-thanks for sharing.

    It's surprising, because Madden always seems like a pretty decent guy. I guess you can't always believe what you see on TV or in interviews with these celebrities.
    -Kevin

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    RIP, Pete.

  3. #3
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    Re: John Madden Story

    My first inclination is toward disappointment, but at the same time, I can understand how a person can feel about the prolonged intrusion of a stranger into one's personal space. I'd imagine this might have been a promotion that ol' John was forced into by his agent... or something. I doubt Pat Summerall would have tolerated him for 20 years if he'd been unbearable (*insert cracks about him being too liquored up to notice here*). Finally, think about what you know about John Madden--just how well-developed do you think the social skills of a guy like that are? I always imagined his entire life revolving ONLY around football and eating cows whole. Whatevers.
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  4. #4
    Pump your brakes, kid. IntangiblesRule's Avatar
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by DaBoys4LifeNYY35
    My first inclination is toward disappointment, but at the same time, I can understand how a person can feel about the prolonged intrusion of a stranger into one's personal space. I'd imagine this might have been a promotion that ol' John was forced into by his agent... or something. I doubt Pat Summerall would have tolerated him for 20 years if he'd been unbearable (*insert cracks about him being too liquored up to notice here*). Finally, think about what you know about John Madden--just how well-developed do you think the social skills of a guy like that are? I always imagined his entire life revolving ONLY around football and eating cows whole. Whatevers.
    I also wonder what Madden's perspective of the story would be..."If that asshole asked me to say BOOM and WHAP one more time I was going to boot his ass right off the Cruiser."

    That being said, most any celebrity you get to spend any amount of time with will always disappoint you because you see the cracks in the public persona they built for themselves.

    THAT being said...Madden sounds like a BLEEPIN' BLEEP
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  5. #5
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by DaBoys4LifeNYY35
    My first inclination is toward disappointment, but at the same time, I can understand how a person can feel about the prolonged intrusion of a stranger into one's personal space. I'd imagine this might have been a promotion that ol' John was forced into by his agent... or something. I doubt Pat Summerall would have tolerated him for 20 years if he'd been unbearable (*insert cracks about him being too liquored up to notice here*). Finally, think about what you know about John Madden--just how well-developed do you think the social skills of a guy like that are? I always imagined his entire life revolving ONLY around football and eating cows whole. Whatevers.
    This guy Tom met Pat Summerall too (not sure if it was the same event) and he said that Pat was a great guy. Very nice and gracious to him & his wife.

    BTW, Tom's wife made a cake for Fat John and the guy never thanked her and never even tried the cake.

    Another thing, My Favorite Fan of Crackheads, NEVER type "whatevers" to me again. Get Brett out of your Signature too, young lady!!!
    AND, Your BOY Troy will shine Bretts shoes when Brett is elected to the Hall of Fame. Unless, of course, TroyBoy is in the shower that morning, gets hit in the head from some water and suffers his 97th concussion. Hey, I wonder if that Arizona running back takes showers with TroyBoy. TroyBoy probably picks up the soap and hands it to Emmitt so he can scrub TroyBoy's back without TroyBoy pulling a hamstring, tearing a back muscle, separating a shoulder, and getting his 98th concussion. What a Varitek!!!
    ....

  6. #6
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by IntangiblesRule
    I also wonder what Madden's perspective of the story would be..."If that asshole asked me to say BOOM and WHAP one more time I was going to boot his ass right off the Cruiser."

    That being said, most any celebrity you get to spend any amount of time with will always disappoint you because you see the cracks in the public persona they built for themselves.

    THAT being said...Madden sounds like a BLEEPIN' BLEEP
    Yeah, I understand that. This guy seemed like a genuine good guy. Hell, he's a Packer Fan. I'M the only Packer fan without class and full of crap!!

    His disgust of Madden seemed like it was well-deserved. I just wish I somehow could have the transcript of the story. Tom went into detail about everything and it had me laughing my ass off. AND, if you were ever unlucky enough to see my big, fat, disgusting ass, you would KNOW just how much laughing was involved!!!
    ....

  7. #7
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    Re: John Madden Story

    [QUOTE=#1PaFan]
    AND, Your BOY Troy will shine Bretts shoes when Brett is elected to the Hall of Fame. QUOTE]
    I don't know about that, though Troy COULD be around to hand Brett his jacket when he goes in, seeing as how Troy will already have been long-enshrined. It should happen for him next year, actually--I am SO there.

    And finally... you absolutely kill me.
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  8. #8
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    Re: John Madden Story

    [QUOTE=DaBoys4LifeNYY35]
    Quote Originally Posted by #1PaFan
    I don't know about that, though Troy COULD be around to hand Brett his jacket when he goes in, seeing as how Troy will already have been long-enshrined. It should happen for him next year, actually--I am SO there.
    I KNOW you'd be there! Acheman will probably go in on the first ballot. He was certainly a "victim" of circumstance.

    Typical Cowboy play sequence:

    Handoff to Emmitt.

    Handoff to Emmitt.

    Screen Pass to Emmitt.

    Handoff to Emmitt.

    Handoff to Emmitt.

    Handoff to Emmitt.

    LONG SPIRAL to the Coke Machine (after he pushed the Defensive Back about 15 yards---with no flag) for a touchdown!!!!!

    Acheman then goes to the trainer to work on his shoulder which he strained on that 27 yard pass....

    NEXT Series:

    Handoff to Emmitt.

    Quick toss to Jay.

    Pitch to Emmitt.

    Screen Pass to Emmitt.

    Hand off to Emmitt.

    Hand off to Emmitt.

    Hand off to Emmitt.

    Hand off to Emmitt.

    Hand off to Emmitt.

    Time Out!!!! Acheman sprained both his wrists by handing the ball off to Emmitt. Also, when Acheman took his helmut off, he tore a neck muscle and suffered his forty-second Concussion.

    After the time out:

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Swing pass to Emmitt

    Pitch left to Emmitt.

    INJURY TIME OUT!!! Acheman strained his Testicles on that pitch. His bladder also gave out and he went "wee-wee" all down his cute little silver & blue pants, jockstrap & thong.

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    TD PASS to the Coke Machine in the left corner of the End Zone after Michael pushed the Free Safety into the 14th row. (NO call from the Zebras)

    NEXT Cowboy Possession:

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Play action pass!!!! Acheman is sacked!!! He's slow getting up. His ovaries are badly bruised..........He stays in the game though 'cause he's a Tough, Blue Collar kind of guy......

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Screen Pass to Emmitt

    Hand off to Emmitt

    Reverse trap handoff to Emmitt......INJURY TIME OUT!!! Acheman strains his left nipple................

    ....

  9. #9
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by #1PaFan
    I KNOW you'd be there! Acheman will probably go in on the first ballot. He was certainly a "victim" of circumstance.
    HEY! Say what you will, but the man was a cannon-armed, accurate, WINNER of a QB. I hate to make projections, but I often wonder what his numbers would be like had he not had a HoF RB for 11 out of those 12 seasons. I don't know for sure, but I'd guess they'd be pretty darn good. And hey, Michael Irvin didn't get on the HoF ballot in his first year of eligibility by catching passes that he threw to himself--SOMEONE threw the majority of those 700 catches to him.
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  10. #10
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by DaBoys4LifeNYY35
    HEY! Say what you will, but the man was a cannon-armed, accurate, WINNER of a QB. I hate to make projections, but I often wonder what his numbers would be like had he not had a HoF RB for 11 out of those 12 seasons. I don't know for sure, but I'd guess they'd be pretty darn good. And hey, Michael Irvin didn't get on the HoF ballot in his first year of eligibility by catching passes that he threw to himself--SOMEONE threw the majority of those 700 catches to him.
    AND, someone pushed a defensive back on his ass about 550 times.
    I remember being amazed that, at one point, instead of picking up a DB and throwing him out of bounds, that Michael didn't just pull out a 9mm and pump a few rounds into a cornerback before continuing his Post Pattern to catch one of those Acheman Ducks.

    THAT was a GREAT Cowboys team, thanks in most part to the fuggin' Viqueens.

    TroyBoy was a serviceable QB. Mostly, he was a deliveryman to get the ball from the Center to Emmitt.

    TroyBoy is a Cutie, though. If I was a homosexual, I might even make a move on TroyBoy. I'd give him one helluva Concussion. Of course, if I was homosexual, I'd already have Season Tickets to that Toilet Bowl of a Stadium. NOT that there's anything wrong with ANY of what I just typed. Just thinking out loud.
    ....

  11. #11
    Emotional Warrior BroadwayBomber55's Avatar
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Thanks for sharing George.
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  12. #12
    My photograph. Soriambi's Avatar
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by DaBoys4LifeNYY35
    My first inclination is toward disappointment, but at the same time, I can understand how a person can feel about the prolonged intrusion of a stranger into one's personal space. I'd imagine this might have been a promotion that ol' John was forced into by his agent... or something. I doubt Pat Summerall would have tolerated him for 20 years if he'd been unbearable (*insert cracks about him being too liquored up to notice here*). Finally, think about what you know about John Madden--just how well-developed do you think the social skills of a guy like that are? I always imagined his entire life revolving ONLY around football and eating cows whole. Whatevers.
    But even if he was forced into it, it's not this guy Tom's fault that he won the contest and got to meet Madden. The least Madden could do is be relatively pleasant. It's only for one day.

    And "eating cows whole" is comedic gold.
    -Kevin

    "My point is you can't compare things with statistics." Joe Morgan


    RIP, Pete.

  13. #13
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Soriambi
    But even if he was forced into it, it's not this guy Tom's fault that he won the contest and got to meet Madden. The least Madden could do is be relatively pleasant. It's only for one day.

    And "eating cows whole" is comedic gold.
    I cannot, even in a Nightmare, imagine being THAT ................ty to a person. For those that missed it, Tom said that John REFUSED to even shake his hand.

    I'm not sure how I would react to that. Especially, if I had some beers in me. I doubt I would do something stupid like punch that bastard. I'd probably just call him a big, fat worthless [insert a 10 or 12 letter curse word here - your choice] and then drag my wife out of there.
    ....

  14. #14
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by #1PaFan
    I cannot, even in a Nightmare, imagine being THAT ................ty to a person. For those that missed it, Tom said that John REFUSED to even shake his hand.
    Well, maybe, seeing as how he's paranoid about flying and all, he's also paranoid about germs. You never know...
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  15. #15
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    Re: John Madden Story

    This is the funniest thread I've read here in a long time-- and it wasn't even supposed to be funny. My roomie from college (a Steeler fan) never spoke well of Madden either.

    George, you crack me up-- although I think you missed a handoff to "Moose!"
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  16. #16
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    Re: John Madden Story

    Quote Originally Posted by 1TonHumanHamsterWheel

    George, you crack me up-- although I think you missed a handoff to "Moose!"
    Nah, he didn't get a WHOLE lot of rushing attempts. Mostly, he was just Emmitt's beast of a lead blocker. Goodness, was he a great lead blocker...
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