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Stryder2929
12-13-05, 07:36 PM
foreword: i just got inside from shoveling, my hands are freezing and frostbitten so i am gonna write this in bullet format so i dont have to worry about sentence srtucture.


-He brings a no BS , cant intimidate me attitude to our pitching staff to compliment randy johnson
-He will not be afraid to pitch inside to Ortiz and to brush him back. something NONE of our pitchers have done these last few years.
-I think he may help sturtze become MEANER and therefore more effective.
-I can see his attitude getting the best of him sometimes, but Joe Torre is the master at keeping players emotions in check, I see this being the start of something awesome.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 07:44 PM
He also isn't afraid to bodyslam members of opposing teams

27IsNext
12-13-05, 07:46 PM
You're right. It's gonna be nice seeing seeing Ortiz get a 100 MPH fastball high and inside the next time the Sox peg Jeter.

IronCaballo4
12-13-05, 07:49 PM
Kyle Farnsworth once beat 6 men to a pulp just by eating his cole slaw at KFC

Tifoso
12-13-05, 07:49 PM
You're right. It's gonna be nice seeing seeing Ortiz get a 100 MPH fastball high and inside the next time the Sox peg Jeter.

Exactly. I'm ashamed we've had to bring in a guy from "outside" to do it, TBH.

hardrain
12-13-05, 08:06 PM
Kyle was interviewed by Benigno today on WFAN. Joe asked him about pitching inside to Ortiz and Farnsworth said he'd have no problem keeping Ortiz honest. It was music to these ears...freakin' Bach it was.

Yankeeah
12-13-05, 08:07 PM
Kyle Farnsworth once beat 6 men to a pulp just by eating his cole slaw at KFC

Kyle Farnsworth doesn't sleep, he waits

JeterRodriguezSheff
12-13-05, 08:12 PM
He also isn't afraid to bodyslam members of opposing teams

Damn fricking straight! Between Randy Sturtze and Farnsworth we are going to have a staff that demands respect!

Vin
12-13-05, 08:19 PM
So if Farnsworth blows a game or two (knock on wood). Is he still what this team needs or should he be traded right away?

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:21 PM
So if Farnsworth blows a game or two (knock on wood). Is he still what this team needs or should he be traded right away?

He should take his rage out on the opposing players by challenging them to a death match in a pit of venomous geese

Stryder2929
12-13-05, 08:22 PM
So if Farnsworth blows a game or two (knock on wood). Is he still what this team needs or should he be traded right away?


ladies and gentlemen, i give to u:

negative nancy #1

Vin
12-13-05, 08:23 PM
He should take his rage out on the opposing players by challenging them to a death match in a pit of venomous geese

Boy would I like to see him bodyslam varitek :D

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:23 PM
Boy would I like to see him bodyslam varitek :D

He is going to be exporting pain and importing respect like he's his own private nation-state

lem
12-13-05, 08:24 PM
ladies and gentlemen, i give to u:

negative nancy #1

He's right.

YankeeStripes
12-13-05, 08:25 PM
Kyle Farnsworth once killed a man just for saying "hello."

Mark19
12-13-05, 08:25 PM
Kyle Farnsworth doesn't sleep, he waits

The chief export of Kyle Farnsworth is pain

Vin
12-13-05, 08:26 PM
ladies and gentlemen, i give to u:

negative nancy #1

That was a legit question. It's just the norm here, if a pitcher blows a game or injures himself (ie..Pavano), then he needs to be traded. You see people calling for his head.

Yankyfan
12-13-05, 08:28 PM
Just wait untill Tavarez joins the fray.A frackass a day !! Should be fun. :)

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:28 PM
Just wait untill Tavarez joins the fray.A frackass a day !! Should be fun. :)

They will be the MLB version of the Legion of Doom. I see clotheslines being handed out nightly

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 08:29 PM
That was a legit question. It's just the norm here, if a pitcher blows a game or injures himself (ie..Pavano), then he needs to be traded. You see people calling for his head.

Farny will DDT anyone who "calls for his head."

Steph19
12-13-05, 08:32 PM
Agreed.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth will most definitely break bad.

hellonewman
12-13-05, 08:33 PM
Kyle Farnsworth once killed a man just for saying "hello."He once punched a hole in a cow just to see what was coming up the road.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:34 PM
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see what was coming up the road.

Farnsworth has dandruff the size of mice

Vin
12-13-05, 08:36 PM
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see what was coming up the road.

Be careful what you wish for. I don't want to see him punching anything risking injury to himself. Kevin Brown anyone?

spiritof27
12-13-05, 08:37 PM
Kyle Farnsworth likes to knit sweaters. And by "knit", I mean "kick". And by "sweaters" I mean "babies".

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:38 PM
There is no theory of evolution, just men Kyle Farnsworth has allowed to live

Sheff_Rod
12-13-05, 08:39 PM
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see what was coming up the road.

Hole-y cow! :eek:

(lame I know.. but someone had to say it)

hellonewman
12-13-05, 08:39 PM
Farnsworth has dandruff the size of miceHe once ate the entire city of Pittsburgh and then used Charleston, West Virginia for an after-dinner mint!

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 08:42 PM
WARNING SPOILER:




Farny's the one that brings down King Kong in this years blockbuster movie.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:42 PM
He once ate the entire city of Pittsburgh and then used Charleston, West Virginia for an after-dinner mint!

He once breast fed and injured Flamingo back to health

Stryder2929
12-13-05, 08:42 PM
That was a legit question. It's just the norm here, if a pitcher blows a game or injures himself (ie..Pavano), then he needs to be traded. You see people calling for his head.


no its not a legit question. but anyway heres a legit answer. You might as well start looking for suitors cause hes going to blow games.. what pitcher doesnt. Are you gonna trade mariano too when he blows 2 saves in a span of a week or so at some given time in 2006?

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 08:43 PM
You are what you eat. That is why Kyle Farnsworthl's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

JeterRodriguezSheff
12-13-05, 08:43 PM
Farnsworth once took a dump in the ocean, we now call that dump Australia

spiritof27
12-13-05, 08:44 PM
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Kyle Farnsworth is on the other side. The then grass is probably full of blood and tears.

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 08:44 PM
Thats why Farny came to New York, cause he heard about a big apple.

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 08:45 PM
Kyle Farnsworth played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Bernie Inferno
12-13-05, 08:46 PM
If you can see Kyle Farnsworth, he can see you. If you can't see Kyle Farnsworth you may be only seconds away from death.

ring403
12-13-05, 08:46 PM
http://img353.imageshack.us/img353/483/farnsworth6cb.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
http://img353.imageshack.us/img353/9388/farnsworth14xk.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

ring403
12-13-05, 08:47 PM
Kyle eats lightning and craps thunder.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:47 PM
http://img353.imageshack.us/img353/9388/farnsworth14xk.jpg (http://imageshack.us/)

I find it hilarious that he has a 180 pound man on his shoulders, and 2 of his OWN teammates can't stop him from bringin the pain

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 08:48 PM
Kyle Farnsworth does not break wind. He destroys it.

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 08:49 PM
I find it hilarious that he has a 180 pound man on his shoulders, and 2 of his OWN teammates can't stop him from bringin the pain

That one dude is laughing cause he knows.

hellonewman
12-13-05, 08:49 PM
If you drop a phonograph needle on Farnsworth's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds."

JeterRodriguezSheff
12-13-05, 08:51 PM
Kyle once took a piss in a dessert, You now know that dessert as the Atlantic Ocean

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 08:51 PM
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Kyle Farnsworth, and it was a warning.

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 08:52 PM
If Farnsworth was on the WWE he would simply be known as Farnsworth.

Evil Empire
12-13-05, 08:53 PM
Well now I'm insanely waiting to see him pitch.

JeffWeaverFan
12-13-05, 08:55 PM
I think he's exactly what this team needs because he makes bats miss. And that's what makes a good reliever and a good bullpen: Guys that come in and strike batters out. (It's especially necessary with our defense).

His fighting ability is a plus too.

hellonewman
12-13-05, 08:56 PM
Kyle once took a piss in a dessert, You now know that dessert as the Atlantic OceanI'm not sure you realize just how funny this is ... :eek: ... I know Sparky Lyle used to sit on birthday cakes, but this is ridiculous!

ColombiaYanksFan
12-13-05, 08:57 PM
Boy would I like to see him bodyslam varitek :D

He already got slammed. When he was down, he must of said, ¨thank goodness that I´m a coward and kept my mask on while fighting like a chicken, otherwise I could have been seriously sent to the hospital¨

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 08:58 PM
I hope Farnsworth never goes to France. They would immeadiatlely surrendor upon his entry and he would be crowned the Pharoah (cause he is Farnsworth, he can do that). We'd be without a setup man

BillBuckner
12-13-05, 08:59 PM
He also isn't afraid to bodyslam members of opposing teams
Anyone have a video of that? :lol:

Evil Empire
12-13-05, 09:00 PM
So what's the Farnsworth Club gonna be called? :lol:

(as in Sea Level Chacon, Sturtze Appreciation Society etc.)

BillBuckner
12-13-05, 09:01 PM
So what's the Farnsworth Club gonna be called? :lol:

(as in Sea Level Chacon, Sturtze Appreciation Society etc.)
FFF, Fighting Farnsworth Federation.

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 09:01 PM
So what's the Farnsworth Club gonna be called? :lol:

(as in Sea Level Chacon, Sturtze Appreciation Society etc.)

The "we like you, please don't kill us" Farnsclub.

YankeeStripes
12-13-05, 09:10 PM
Never expose Kyle Farnsworth to sunlight. Never get Kyle Farnsworth wet. And never, ever, feed Kyle Farnsworth after midnight.

Stryder2929
12-13-05, 09:11 PM
lmao this thread is so funny

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 09:11 PM
Kyle Farnsworth once fell in a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 09:12 PM
They had to remove all the doors at Yankee Stadium. Farnsworth kept bashing, and the Yanks couldn't afford to keep replacing them

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 09:16 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Kyle Farnsworth.

ring403
12-13-05, 09:17 PM
You shouldn't grab Kyle. Kyle's mother grabbed him once... Once!

hellonewman
12-13-05, 09:21 PM
KYLE FARNSWORTH

* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Kyle Farnsworth.
* Caution: Kyle Farnsworth may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Kyle Farnsworth contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Kyle Farnsworth on concrete.

Discontinue use of Kyle Farnsworth if any of the following occurs:

* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations

If Kyle Farnsworth begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Kyle Farnsworth may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Kyle Farnsworth should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Kyle Farnsworth, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Kyle Farnsworth include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Kyle Farnsworth has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Kyle Farnsworth.

Kyle Farnsworth comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Kyle Farnsworth

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

Sultans of Swing
12-13-05, 09:25 PM
Kyle Farnsworth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

AJW
12-13-05, 09:36 PM
I loved the evil laugh that he has. It just goes to show you he has no problem pitching inside and knocking someone on there ass.

spiritof27
12-13-05, 09:37 PM
Kyle Farnsworth listens when you pray to God. Then he bodyslams you for believing in God and not Kyle Farnsworth.

23and2
12-13-05, 09:42 PM
My case of chronic hiccups was only cured by someone mentioning the name "Kyle Farnsworth" to me.

PinstripePride
12-13-05, 09:45 PM
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Kyle Farnsworth is on the other side. The then grass is probably full of blood and tears.

If you can see Kyle Farnsworth, he can see you. If you can't see Kyle Farnsworth you may be only seconds away from death.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Kyle Farnsworth, and it was a warning.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Kyle Farnsworth.

Oh my God, these are amazing. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 09:45 PM
Kyle Farnsworth doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Kyle Farnsworth is Kyle Farnsworth.

English Yankee
12-13-05, 09:51 PM
He's so mean he makes medicine sick.

Tifoso
12-13-05, 09:54 PM
KYLE FARNSWORTH

* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Kyle Farnsworth.
* Caution: Kyle Farnsworth may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Kyle Farnsworth contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Kyle Farnsworth on concrete.

Discontinue use of Kyle Farnsworth if any of the following occurs:

* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations

If Kyle Farnsworth begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Kyle Farnsworth may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Kyle Farnsworth should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Kyle Farnsworth, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Kyle Farnsworth include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Kyle Farnsworth has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Kyle Farnsworth.

Kyle Farnsworth comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Kyle Farnsworth

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

:lol:

Sam2448
12-13-05, 09:55 PM
This thread is hilarious. In all seriousness though, Farnsworth certainly does bring an "edge" to the team and he's got great potential. If nothing goes wrong, he should be great as a setup man this year.

Tifoso
12-13-05, 09:56 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Kyle Farnsworth.


:lol:
You, sir, are on a roll. :clap:

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 09:59 PM
Kyle Farnsworth doesn't have herpes, but he gives it to people anyways

yanksphan
12-13-05, 10:00 PM
I find it hilarious that he has a 180 pound man on his shoulders, and 2 of his OWN teammates can't stop him from bringin the pain

I think it's equaly hilarious that Lance Freakin Parrish can't stop Farnsworth and is just laughing!

BTW - Kyle can crush walnuts with his eyes.

BombersBlvd
12-13-05, 10:01 PM
Kyle Farnsworth will kill you if you do not return his Curb Your Enthusiasm dvd's when you say you're going to return them.

Ivoted4Kodos
12-13-05, 10:01 PM
Kyle Farnsworth is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his fastball and slider.

apolansk
12-13-05, 10:05 PM
When Kyle Farnsworth jumps into water, he does not get wet. Instead the water gets Farnsworthed.

apolansk
12-13-05, 10:06 PM
Kyle Farnsworth is the only man ever to beat a wall in a game of tennis.

hellonewman
12-13-05, 10:07 PM
:lol:Good ol' SNL.

apolansk
12-13-05, 10:08 PM
In the average room, there on 1,258 things Kyle Farnsworth could kill you with, including the room itself.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 10:12 PM
Kyle Farnsworth owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

NewEraYanks2527
12-13-05, 10:15 PM
Kyle Farnsworth will whip your ass any day on the week and twice on Sunday. You better go give your soul to the lord becaues your ass belongs to Farnsworth!

yanksphan
12-13-05, 10:16 PM
Kyle Farnsworth makes onions cry

apolansk
12-13-05, 10:17 PM
The last man who made eye contact with Kyle Farnsworth was Ray Charles.

NewEraYanks2527
12-13-05, 10:18 PM
This thread is great. Farnsworth isn't tough as nails, nails wish they were as tough as Farnsworth.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-13-05, 10:20 PM
Once plugged into the Matrix, it took Farnsworth 6 minutes to do what it took Neo 3 movies to accomplish. He also beat Super Mario Bros in under 60 seconds while he was there.

apolansk
12-13-05, 10:23 PM
When Kyle Farnsworth folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to red.

-tz
12-13-05, 10:25 PM
When Farnsworth was born, he cried not as other babies use to do, "Miez, miez, miez, miez," but with a high, sturdy, and big voice shouted about, "Some drink, some drink, some drink!" as if inviting all the world to drink with him.

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 10:26 PM
The sun can not look directly into Farnsworth for fear of blindness.

DeputyFife
12-13-05, 10:27 PM
Farnsworth doesn't read the bible it reads him.

When Jesus goes to bed at night he prays to Farnsworth.

ring403
12-13-05, 10:34 PM
Listen. And understand. Farnsworth is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

hellonewman
12-13-05, 10:37 PM
Farnsworth once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Huktonfonix
12-13-05, 10:38 PM
KYLE FARNSWORTH

* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Kyle Farnsworth.
* Caution: Kyle Farnsworth may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Kyle Farnsworth contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Kyle Farnsworth on concrete.

Discontinue use of Kyle Farnsworth if any of the following occurs:

* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations

If Kyle Farnsworth begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Kyle Farnsworth may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Kyle Farnsworth should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Kyle Farnsworth, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Kyle Farnsworth include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Kyle Farnsworth has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Kyle Farnsworth.

Kyle Farnsworth comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Kyle Farnsworth

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

Happy Fun Ball!

Seriously, Mickey Mantle in his prime is exactly what this team needs. Kyle Farnsworth is a nice pickup though.

Huktonfonix
12-13-05, 10:39 PM
Farnsworth once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Will the let him out of Folsom for the playoffs?

yeahimweird
12-13-05, 10:40 PM
This thread is GOLD.

:roflmao:

hellonewman
12-13-05, 10:46 PM
Will the let him out of Folsom for the playoffs?There hasn't been a prison ever made that could hold Farnsworth.

swityak11
12-13-05, 10:47 PM
http://img353.imageshack.us/img353/483/farnsworth6cb.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
http://img353.imageshack.us/img353/9388/farnsworth14xk.jpg (http://imageshack.us)He's beating up Paul Wilson. Anyone have a pic of Farnsworth kicking the snot out of a 4th grader? That'd be much more impressive.

IronCaballo4
12-13-05, 10:47 PM
Kyle Farnsworth ate the van down by the river

I Love Wang
12-13-05, 10:52 PM
If you drop a phonograph needle on Farnsworth's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds."

Nonsense. It plays "Son of a Bitch" by Accept.

I Love Wang
12-13-05, 10:56 PM
Listen. And understand. Farnsworth is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Best movie quote ever. My respect for you just tripled.

I Love Wang
12-13-05, 10:57 PM
This is missing my favorite one from the Ruben Sierra thread:

"Ruben Sierra can divide by zero."

Also

"Ruben Sierra can make a woman climax just by pointing at her and saying 'booyah.' "

PinstripePride
12-13-05, 11:00 PM
http://pic8.picturetrail.com/VOL253/2094914/6383387/121781050.jpg

cliftonite
12-13-05, 11:01 PM
kyle farnsworth gets batters out not with fastballs but with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse

Otto2687
12-13-05, 11:03 PM
When President Harry Truman decided to drop the bomb on Hiroshima, he made the decision out of fear that if they sent Kyle Farnsworth in there would be triple the casualties.

MiamiKat
12-13-05, 11:05 PM
Farnsworth drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin."

Otto2687
12-13-05, 11:07 PM
The ideas displayed in the United States Constitution were not taken from John Locke's writings, but from the omnipotent Kyle Farnsworth's.

Otto2687
12-13-05, 11:10 PM
Chucky, of the Child's Play movies, was not posessed by serial killer Charles Lee Ray, he was posessed by Kyle Farnsworth's everlasting awesomeness.

Panamaniac42
12-13-05, 11:11 PM
Anyone hear The Farns today with Benigno?

He said someone needs to make Shrek feel uncomfy up there and he'd rather not come to blows with anybody but he has to do what he has to do.

Maybe The Farns was Plan C but I'd rather have a guy who wants to mix it up rather than someone who wants to throw up.

IronCaballo4
12-13-05, 11:13 PM
Catchers are not allowed to give Kyle Farnsworth any signs...because when he stares in, their mitt catches fire

Panamaniac42
12-13-05, 11:16 PM
"They [will] use Kyle's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

My fav's from the Bill Brasky/Ruben Sierra/ and now Kyle Farnsworth collection...sorry if anyone posted these already :)

hellonewman
12-13-05, 11:17 PM
Farnsworth once took Mother Teresa to Sizzler and made her pay!

IronCaballo4
12-13-05, 11:22 PM
Kyle Farnsworth fathers 6 children each time he walks to the mound

Bern51
12-13-05, 11:37 PM
Kyle Farnsworth doesn't tell time, he commands it.

RIYankeeFan
12-13-05, 11:45 PM
Kyle Farnsworth brushes his teeth with tree bark.

ring403
12-13-05, 11:48 PM
The U.S. Government has ordered Farnsworth not to throw his fastball because it constitutes a violaton of the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty.

Panamaniac42
12-13-05, 11:49 PM
Kyle Farnsworth took a dump one morning and gave birth to Nelson de la Rosa.

Bern51
12-13-05, 11:50 PM
When Kyle Farnsowrth makes love, he means it literally.

flymick24
12-13-05, 11:55 PM
That was a legit question. It's just the norm here, if a pitcher blows a game or injures himself (ie..Pavano), then he needs to be traded. You see people calling for his head.

pavano has taken numerous MRI's and all of them have come back negative.

mickey mantle
12-13-05, 11:57 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for kyle farnsworth.

I Love Wang
12-14-05, 12:02 AM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for kyle farnsworth.

That one is on here already.

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 12:03 AM
pavano has taken numerous MRI's and all of them have come back negative.

Pavano has taken numerous MRIs and they found Farnsworth in his shoulder

flymick24
12-14-05, 12:06 AM
Pavano has taken numerous MRIs and they found Farnsworth in his shoulder

how silly of me, i should have known!

that farnsworth... he's one crazy guy!!

MattUNC2003
12-14-05, 12:07 AM
A little out there...but oddly funny.

Kyle Farnsworth frequently signs up for Little League, just so he can "accidentally" beat the crap out of little kids.

MattUNC2003
12-14-05, 12:09 AM
Kyle Farnsworth sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled fastball speed. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Kyle beaned the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Stryder2929
12-14-05, 12:19 AM
When Kyle Farnsworth eats you, he doesn't just eat you, he eats your SOUL

Vin
12-14-05, 12:21 AM
no its not a legit question. but anyway heres a legit answer. You might as well start looking for suitors cause hes going to blow games.. what pitcher doesnt. Are you gonna trade mariano too when he blows 2 saves in a span of a week or so at some given time in 2006?

Are you sure you read my question? my point is if a pitcher blows a game/s or injures himself we should stop whining and beg the pitcher to be traded.

Yankee Clipper
12-14-05, 12:21 AM
The Mona Lisa's smile changes, depending how close Kyle Farnsworth is.

Brent
12-14-05, 12:32 AM
Kyle Farnsworth doesn't sleep, he waits


I heard when Kyle Farnsworth cuts onions, its the onions that do the crying!

Vin
12-14-05, 12:33 AM
Professor Farnsworth is so tough he brushes his teeth with barbwire.

Panamaniac42
12-14-05, 12:40 AM
Professor Farnsworth is so tough he brushes his teeth with barbwire.

The only thing we have to fear is Farnsworth himself.

Goodnight all.

DeputyFife
12-14-05, 12:41 AM
Are you sure you read my question? my point is if a pitcher blows a game/s or injures himself we should stop whining and beg the pitcher to be traded.

Lord Fransworth doesn't need to read he already knows everything, and he only tolerates whining and begging from the ladies.


I heard when Kyle Farnsworth cuts onions, its the onions that do the crying!

Already done.

-tz
12-14-05, 12:41 AM
Farnsworth is mean, nasty and tired! He eats concertina wire and pi*ses napalm, and he can put a fastball through a flea's a*s at 200 meters! :D

Dannman103
12-14-05, 12:41 AM
does anyone know where the video of the detroit/kc brawl can be found? i wanna watch farnsworth in action

whoisthedogg
12-14-05, 12:48 AM
The Handicap parking signs outside Yankee Stadium do not signify that those spots are for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spots belong to Kyle Farnsworth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Kyle Farnsworth is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f#$%ing Indian.

Mark19
12-14-05, 12:53 AM
Kyle Farnsworth likes to knit sweaters in his free time -- And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

South Facing Epitaph
12-14-05, 12:55 AM
Are these supposed to be original? Oh well I'm not creative, but these are hilarious.

Kyle Farnsworth was once involved in a head-on car crash, he was the only survivor. Kyle was walking at the time.

A random onlooker once taunted Kyle Farnsworth. Kyle responed by hitting the man so hard that both his parents died.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Kyle Farnsworth, and it was a warning.

Kyle Farnsworth coined the phrase, 'I see dead people,' after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Kyle Farnsworth's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

The last time Kyle Farnsworth went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

DeputyFife
12-14-05, 12:56 AM
Kyle Farnsworth likes to knit sweaters in his free time -- And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

This one's been done.

Farnsworth told Reggie Jackson he takes his shaken not stirred.

Sheff_Rod
12-14-05, 12:56 AM
does anyone know where the video of the detroit/kc brawl can be found? i wanna watch farnsworth in action

http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/4734835/detail.html

Kulish29
12-14-05, 01:09 AM
Kyle Farnsworth once killed a man just for saying "hello."

No, not a man. A fan. He killed a fan.

BillBuckner
12-14-05, 07:08 AM
http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/4734835/detail.html
All I get is a commercial. You're lucky I'm not Kyle Farnsworth.

-tz
12-14-05, 08:37 AM
All I get is a commercial. You're lucky I'm not Kyle Farnsworth.I get the video but it's disappointingly short on action! :argh:

YankeeStripes
12-14-05, 09:12 AM
Every night, Kyle Farnsworth does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out.

spiritof27
12-14-05, 09:37 AM
Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Kyle Farnsworth swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Kyle Farnsworth wisely checked his swing.

He came from the NL, you know.

NewEraYanks2527
12-14-05, 09:41 AM
These get better and better! Boy I sure hope Kyle Farnsworth doesn't get wind of this.

38Special
12-14-05, 09:45 AM
http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20050717&content_id=1134695&vkey=news_det&fext=.jsp&c_id=det

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/2005/07/17/jW7cUAFv.jpg

Jesus himself annihilates Jeremy Affeldt

Panamaniac42
12-14-05, 09:48 AM
"Kyle Farnsworth sleeps eight hours a night!"

Panamaniac42
12-14-05, 09:56 AM
LOL some excerpts from the USA Today game recap:

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/scores103/103170/20030619NL---CINCINNATI0nr.htm



CINCINNATI (Ticker) -- Kyle Farnsworth had no trouble hitting
Paul Wilson, but the Chicago Cubs did.

.....
</pre>

Wilson (5-4) exchanged words with Farnsworth before charging
toward the mound. But he never made it close as the Cubs
reliever met him by the third base line and delivered a vicious
tackle that immediately put Wilson on his back.

"I was surprised he came at me," Farnsworth said. "I wasn't
trying to hit the pitcher in a tight game. It was 2-1, a runner
on first and he's making an out (with a sacrifice bunt). ... He
said, 'What the (bleep) are you doing?' I said, 'What?' He
said something else and I said, '(Bleep) you.' Any time he
wants to come out, he's welcome." :roflmao:

......

After approximately 10 minutes, the teams returned to their
dugouts, with Farnsworth and Wilson being ejected. Farnsworth
drank water in his dugout with a smirk on his face:-rofl-:. Wilson used
a towel to wipe his bloody and swollen nose.


</pre>

NewEraYanks2527
12-14-05, 10:03 AM
LOL some excerpts from the USA Today game recap:

' He
said something else and I said, '(Bleep) you.' Any time he
wants to come out, he's welcome." :roflmao:

......

After approximately 10 minutes, the teams returned to their
dugouts, with Farnsworth and Wilson being ejected. Farnsworth
drank water in his dugout with a smirk on his face:-rofl-:.






</PRE>How can you not like this guy? That is pretty bad ass "So he said something and I said ................ you I kicked his ass and drank some water later."

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 10:03 AM
The LF bleachers will feature signs that say "Do Not Feed The Farnsworth"

CoyoteYankee
12-14-05, 10:55 AM
I love this thread!

Don't mess with the Farnsworth. You'll get the horns! :rockin:

YankClipper5
12-14-05, 11:01 AM
Supposedly in a drunken brawl, Farnsworth swung at some rowdy bar patron, missed and the man died from the ensuing pnuemonia as a result of the breeze.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-14-05, 11:48 AM
Apparently, Farnsworth was play darts at a bar, the dart went through the dart board, through the wall, into a bypassing bus, injuring 11 school children

BillBuckner
12-14-05, 11:54 AM
Anyone remember from the movie Pulp Fiction when Samuel L. Jackson's wallet had the engraving "Bad Ass Mother F****r"? Farnsworth's glove says the same thing.

Jace
12-14-05, 11:57 AM
There's a bunch more good ones, just go here.

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty
http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php?topthirty

I like the one where he gives himself cancer and cures it by flexing. There was also one about how Chuck Norris WILL take your virginity, even if you think youve already lost it, but I dont know where it went.

wdelaney72
12-14-05, 12:06 PM
Be careful what you wish for. I'm not a Cubs fan, but anyone who lives in the Chicagoland area gets anything Cub related forced down their throat... including Kyle Farnsworth.

Yes, Farnsworth is tough and I would advise any batter against charging the mound against him, but let's not forget his past...

He bought his ticket out of Chicago for punching a fan or wall, which put him on the DL. And he also maintained a reputation for being quite the boozer.

I didn't follow him very closely in Detroit or Atlanta, but while wearing a Cubs uniform, he was less than impressive.

RobRiv
12-14-05, 12:08 PM
Farnswacker The 13th is the only pitcher in the league who wears a goalie mask on the mound, and keeps a chainsaw close by.

Yankee opponents will wish it was just a nightmare.

MiamiKat
12-14-05, 12:15 PM
Be careful what you wish for. I'm not a Cubs fan, but anyone who lives in the Chicagoland area gets anything Cub related forced down their throat... including Kyle Farnsworth.....
Don't be such a buzzkill. :P

Kyle Farnsworth is so tough he ate a bag of charcoal and crapped out the Hope Diamond.

wdelaney72
12-14-05, 12:28 PM
Don't be such a buzzkill. :P

Kyle Farnsworth is so tough he ate a bag of charcoal and crapped out the Hope Diamond.

OK.

Farnsworth for Governor!

RhodeyYankee2638
12-14-05, 12:30 PM
Farnsworth's excrement is used as currency in Bangladesh

RobRiv
12-14-05, 12:34 PM
The Farnicator's temper is so hot it's being blamed for global warming.

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 12:36 PM
Farnsworth ate 6 trees and a bag of glass and crapped out Seattle, WA

RobRiv
12-14-05, 12:46 PM
Farnswacker The Barbarian is so tough, he warms up to pitch like Rocky. Except instead of drinking raw eggs, and punching frozen sides of beef, he slaps around live bulls, and excretes live chickens. This messy ritual is not popular among the clubhouse attendants, but King Kyle takes care of them...

RobRiv
12-14-05, 01:04 PM
Farnsworth is the only pitcher in the league who wears a satin robe in the bullpen, steps off the scale, and spits blood into a bucket before he enters the game.

Farnswacker wrote a letter to Major League Baseball requesting that AL East games be played in the winter, outdoors, on ice, so he could fight like a hockey player.

8 out of 10 hitters who faced Farnsmonster last season can no longer eat corn on the cobb due to their lack of teeth.

One time, when Farnz Ferdinand was a boy, Santa Claus didn't bring him the bag of razor blades he asked for. One time.

yanksphan
12-14-05, 01:08 PM
More good news...apparantly, Kyle has a personal catcher:

http://www.theheckler.com/index.php?page=04_05_18_Farnsys_catcher&idrub=3&idsite=1



Farnworth Gets Personal Catcher
Cubs hope Klum brings focus to distracted hurler

by Tom Evans (tom@theheckler.com), Contributing Editor
May 18, 2004

http://www.theheckler.com/public/spec/upload/bikini_catcher_web.158.jpg

In an effort to help reliever Kyle Farnsworth regain his pitching form, the Cubs have signed supermodel Heidi Klum to a one-year deal to serve as Farnsworth’s personal catcher. Farnsworth was reportedly relieved and thrilled when he learned of the team’s decision.

MiamiKat
12-14-05, 01:19 PM
OK.

Farnsworth for Governor!
That's better. :)

Evil Empire
12-14-05, 01:20 PM
More good news...apparantly, Kyle has a personal catcher:

http://www.theheckler.com/index.php?page=04_05_18_Farnsys_catcher&idrub=3&idsite=1

Excellent news! :D

RobRiv
12-14-05, 01:22 PM
Last night Farnswacker was invited to a cock fight. He said, "Sure, I can beat a man to death with any body part."

When Kyle arrived at the cock fight, it was over. Everyone had left. He saw nothing but bloody chickens dead on the floor. He looked around, perplexed, and asked "Who invited the friggin' Red Sox?"

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 01:24 PM
Haha, You guys are funny. At least Farnsworth is incredibly hot.

JeterRodriguezSheff
12-14-05, 01:30 PM
does anyone know where the video of the detroit/kc brawl can be found? i wanna watch farnsworth in action

There is no video, the camera exploded from the sheer amount of force Farnsworth uses when he lays somebody out.

RobRiv
12-14-05, 01:37 PM
Little known fact: The Great Wall of China, and Farnsworth's nastiness are the only man-made objects that can be seen from outer space.

YankeeStripes
12-14-05, 02:06 PM
Farnsworth coined the phrase "I see dead people" when the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

RobRiv
12-14-05, 02:15 PM
If you look up "bad ass" in the dictionary, the definition reads, "see Farnsworth, Kyle."
And after you flip through the pages to Farnsworth, the dictionary punches you in the face.

Panamaniac42
12-14-05, 02:18 PM
Apparently The Farns is an artist as well:

http://www.opieart.com/farnsworth.html
http://www.opieart.com/strike123.html

spiritof27
12-14-05, 02:23 PM
Kyle Farnsworth does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Kyle Farnsworth goes killing.

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 02:28 PM
Farnsworth is gonna become an immediate fan favorite because of this thread....





or he will kill us all

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 02:34 PM
Farnsworth is gonna become an immediate fan favorite because of this thread....





or he will kill us all


This is really the funniest thread and I can't start threads

RobRiv
12-14-05, 02:34 PM
In Kyle's hometown of Wichita, Kansas there's an annual event in which drunken daredevils run through the streets being chased by an angry bull. It's called "The Running From the Farnsworth."

Farnsworth hates the word "bullpen" because it suggests captivity. He prefers to call the bullpen, "the place where I sit and stew before I kill somebody."

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 02:36 PM
Farnsworth puts 4 people in a coma before turning off his alarm clock in the morning

yanksphan
12-14-05, 02:41 PM
In Kyle's hometown of Wichita, Kansas there's an annual event in which drunken daredevils run through the streets being chased by an angry bull. It's called "The Running From the Farnsworth."


That would be an exercise in futility. Running from Farnsworth = death.

RobRiv
12-14-05, 02:43 PM
Farnsworth got a little upset when Mariano Rivera suggested he learn how to throw a "cutter." Farns asked Mo, "Why throw a knife at a batter when you can just walk up to them and plunge it into their rib cage?"

GimeMoMuny
12-14-05, 02:47 PM
Yes, Farnsworth is tough and I would advise any batter against charging the mound against him, but let's not forget his past...

He bought his ticket out of Chicago for punching a fan or wall, which put him on the DL. And he also maintained a reputation for being quite the boozer.You forgot to include how Farnsworth later ate that fan's liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti...

hellonewman
12-14-05, 02:48 PM
Farnsworth once jumped off the Empire State Building and he only sprained his ankle.

RobRiv
12-14-05, 02:49 PM
One more for now...

Farnsworth is wanted in 3 states. The rest of them know better.

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 02:49 PM
2006 Bullpen: Farnsworth + Sturtze = FARTZE!

Fransworth + Sturtze + Mariano= Fartzeiano

gurgie
12-14-05, 02:52 PM
...

He bought his ticket out of Chicago for punching a fan or wall, which put him on the DL. And he also maintained a reputation for being quite the boozer.




good the team needs a problem drinker its a spot no ones been able to fill after boomer left.

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 02:58 PM
I heard Fransworth Great, Great, Grandfather was responsible for the sinking of the Titanic

RobRiv
12-14-05, 03:08 PM
Farnsworth agreed to sign with the Yankees after he heard Godzilla's on the team. He said, "Finally, a roommate who understands me. Plus, I've always wanted a giant, rampaging, fire-breathing dragon to light my stogies."

Arynduil
12-14-05, 03:08 PM
Best thread on here. Athough the original notion was ridiculous, it quickly steered toward hilarity and stayed there. Well done.

ryanthe13th
12-14-05, 03:10 PM
I really, really hope Farnsworth doesn't read this thread. He's liable to reach through the monitor and strangle us all.

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 03:11 PM
What happened to the original poster?

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 03:14 PM
I really, really hope Farnsworth doesn't read this thread. He's liable to reach through the monitor and strangle us all.

This is what you get for wanting to play in New York

RobRiv
12-14-05, 03:14 PM
When Farnsworth signed with the Yankees a nervous executive approached him, "You understand this isn't really the 'Evil Empire', don't you?"

Kyle laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard, ripped a leg off the conference room table, used it as a tooth pick and said, "We'll see about that."

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 03:15 PM
When Farnsworth signed with the Yankees a nervous executive approached him, "You understand this isn't really the 'Evil Empire', don't you?"

Kyle laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard, ripped a leg off the conference room table, used it as a tooth pick and said, "We'll see about that."

Funniest yet

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-14-05, 03:17 PM
Kyle Farnsworth once beat 6 men to a pulp just by eating his cole slaw at KFC

I see who started this. Good Job!!!!

YankClipper5
12-14-05, 03:24 PM
Farnsy had a bachelor party one time. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

RobRiv
12-14-05, 03:27 PM
In honor of the Yankees 26 championships, Farnsworth will wear number 27 on his back, and the words "or else"

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 03:45 PM
In honor of the Yankees 26 championships, Farnsworth will wear number 27 on his back, and the words "or else"

Or carry 27 skulls tied to his belt

Captain Yankee
12-14-05, 04:05 PM
They say this cat Farnsy is a bad mother....SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I'm talking bout Farnsy. Than we can dig it.

JWHIII
12-14-05, 04:42 PM
Farnsworth is ranked 18th in the AP College Football Poll

DeputyFife
12-14-05, 04:49 PM
When Farnsworth signed with the Yankees a nervous executive approached him, "You understand this isn't really the 'Evil Empire', don't you?"

Kyle laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard, ripped a leg off the conference room table, used it as a tooth pick and said, "We'll see about that."

NO it wasn't the table leg it was the executive's leg.

hellonewman
12-14-05, 05:03 PM
Farnsworth is ranked 18th in the AP College Football PollHe took Reggie Bush's Heisman and beat the entire USC team to death with it. He'll be playing Texas for the BCS championship.

spiritof27
12-14-05, 05:14 PM
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Kyle Farnsworth smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

South Facing Epitaph
12-14-05, 05:46 PM
Kyle Farnsworth puts the laughter in manslaughter.

JavyVazquezIsSick
12-14-05, 05:49 PM
Kyle Farnsworth puts the laughter in manslaughter.

:lol: That was good...

BillBuckner
12-14-05, 06:32 PM
Kyle Farnsworth puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Niiiice. :lol:

mickey mantle
12-14-05, 06:34 PM
Kyle Farnsworth built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

JavyVazquezIsSick
12-14-05, 06:37 PM
Kyle Farnsworth built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Don't you mean Kyle? Chuck Norris jokes have been sweeping the nation...

Stryder2929
12-14-05, 06:37 PM
What happened to the original poster?


When Mrs. Farnsworth gave birth to baby Kyle he was so forceful in his exit that his mothers vagina is now what scientists refer to as a 'black hole'

Stryder2929
12-14-05, 06:38 PM
Kyle Farnsworth built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


lol u butchered that so bad

BillBuckner
12-14-05, 06:39 PM
Kyle Farnsworth built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Haha that's horrible Mick.

brosiusbuddy
12-14-05, 06:45 PM
what this team needs is for farnsworth to be an effective set up man... all that other stuff is extra.

yanksphan
12-14-05, 06:48 PM
what this team needs is for farnsworth to be an effective set up man... all that other stuff is extra.

IF that kind of thing is important to you, then I suppose so...whatever though...:dunno:



;)

chanman7483
12-14-05, 07:00 PM
Farnsworth is ranked 18th in the AP College Football Poll

:lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol:

shutout
12-14-05, 07:14 PM
Farnsworth: good signing. We need some fire in the team.

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 07:41 PM
Kyle Farnsworth puts the laughter in manslaughter.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Brilliant!

-tz
12-14-05, 08:21 PM
Farnsworth: good signing. We need some fire in the team.Fire? Kyle Farnsworth drinks fire and pi$$es 190-proof grain alcohol! :D

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 08:23 PM
Fire? Kyle Farnsworth drinks fire and pi$$es 190-proof grain alcohol! :D

If Farnsworth were R Kelly, there'd be more people in the burn unit

yeahimweird
12-14-05, 08:28 PM
If Farnsworth were R Kelly, there'd be more people in the burn unit

:eek:

BillBuckner
12-14-05, 08:43 PM
If Farnsworth were R Kelly, there'd be more people in the burn unit
This thread is heading right towards the Sports Bar. :lol:

I Love Wang
12-14-05, 08:56 PM
Farnsworth once jumped off the Empire State Building and he only sprained his ankle.

Wrong. He sprained the ground's ankle.

Flatten78
12-14-05, 08:58 PM
Kyle Farnsworth likes to knit sweaters. And by "knit", I mean "kick". And by "sweaters" I mean "babies".

LMAO!!!!

IronCaballo4
12-14-05, 09:01 PM
Kyle Farnsworth plans on winning next year's Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.....by eating all the contestants

Ivoted4Kodos
12-14-05, 09:05 PM
Every time a bell rings, Kyle Farnsworth kicks someone's ass.

Fenrir
12-14-05, 09:20 PM
Kyle Farnsworth's biggest struggle in life is to keep his pitches at a pedestrian 100 miles per hour. If he fails, you won't know it because everyone will be dead.

Panamaniac42
12-14-05, 11:12 PM
Kyle Farnsworth's sweat is bottled and sold as Evian.

MisterNovember
12-15-05, 12:02 AM
Instead of milk, Kyle Farnsworth puts motor oil in his cereal.

After breakfast, he'll kick your a*s and f*ck your mom.

I Love Wang
12-15-05, 12:12 AM
Instead of milk, Kyle Farnsworth puts motor oil in his cereal.

After breakfast, he'll kick your a*s and f*ck your mom.

I had that for breakfast once, and it left me feeling heavy all day. Now I stick with Crispix.

Panamaniac42
12-15-05, 12:52 AM
ARod once saved a boy from getting hit by a truck. Except it wasn't a truck -- it was Kyle Farnsworth out for his morning jog.

Vin
12-15-05, 01:12 AM
After breakfast, he'll kick your a*s and f*ck your mom.

Let's not go there. Keep it PG rated kids. We don't want the fans kicking the Professor's ass for that

PerfectCone
12-15-05, 01:18 AM
You guys are all crazy! I just hope the guy can charge out of the pen and mow em' down.

puckmaster87
12-15-05, 02:19 AM
You guys are all crazy! I just hope the guy can charge out of the pen and mow em' down.

Oh comon, don't ruin it.

shutout
12-15-05, 04:02 AM
Didn't make this one up myself; it's funny nonetheless:


When Kyle Farsnworth was born, the nurse said "omg that's kyle farnsworth". After that immediately f*ck*d him. At that moment she was the third girl he'd have sex with.

FutureYankee
12-15-05, 04:11 AM
once when kyle was out for a morning jog he saw a kitten in a tree. He quickly chopped the tree down with his bare hands and bodyslammed the kitten. When asked about the incident later, Kyle replied that the cat had been "crowding the plate" and that "he came at me first". The next day, Kyle felt very ill and vomited up multiple large hairballs. apparently after body slamming the feline, he felt that "the only humane thing to do was eat the cat". Dimitri Young was interviewed about the fracas and had this to say: "I've always known Kyle to hate on pussies, and i've always known him to enjoy many a woman's, but this is insane!
Paul Wilson could not be reached for comment.
Since the incident, Farnsworth has added three miles an hour to his fastball and, teammates say, he stomps around the clubhouse before games claiming he now has "ten lives". Manager Joe Torre refused to comment on the rumor that Kyle had requested a litter box be installed near his locker.

shutout
12-15-05, 04:16 AM
There is no such thing as the theory of evolution. Only a list of creatures Kyle allows to live (didn't make this one up aswell)

RobRiv
12-15-05, 08:13 AM
Yesterday, in Florence, Italy, Joe Torre carried the Olympic torch 400 yards. Then, he passed the torch to Farnsworth, who swallowed the flame, and hurled the torch 400 yards, spear-like, impaling the chest of a man who Farnsworth thought looked like a guy who owes him 20 dollars.

DaPip1998
12-15-05, 08:45 AM
Who do you think was the other co-founder of the Crips, along with Tookie Williams?

Yup, Kyle Farnsworth.

spiritof27
12-15-05, 09:10 AM
Kyle Farnsworth sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and 100 mph fastball. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Farnsworth roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should've seen it coming. They now play poker ever second Wednesday of the month.

Panamaniac42
12-15-05, 09:55 AM
Holy crap this is too funny:

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1642842/

Video clip of "Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos" cartoon from the 80's lol.

I know this thread is all about The Farns but I think we all know he and Chuck are one and the same.

BillBuckner
12-15-05, 10:35 AM
Back in the 15th Century, Farnsworth unleashed a massive fart. Before long 1/3 of Europe's population were dead. We know it today as the Black Death.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-15-05, 10:37 AM
Farnsworth slept with my wife, and showed me a video tape of it. It was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life

CoyoteYankee
12-15-05, 10:48 AM
Watch out AL -- Kyle Farnsworth is crazier than a soup sandwich!

RhodeyYankee2638
12-15-05, 10:48 AM
Watch out AL -- Kyle Farnsworth is crazier than a soup sandwich!

Wow, thats deep, I hadda think about that for a second

IronCaballo4
12-15-05, 10:58 AM
Wanna know what was wrong with Gorbechev's head? Ask Kyle Farnsworth

RobRiv
12-15-05, 11:00 AM
Anonymous Scouting report: Farnswacker's flameshooting arm is not the only weapon in his pitching arsenal.
His 360 degree spinning head allows him to monitor runners on any base. His ability to levitate, and stop or reverse time will also be employed by the Yankees.

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-15-05, 11:00 AM
This is great, I really needed the laugh

RhodeyYankee2638
12-15-05, 11:00 AM
Kyle Farnsworth dropped his watch into the Red Sea, and parted it to find it

Yankeeah
12-15-05, 11:03 AM
My god ths is still goign on? What have I created!

HouseThatRingsBuild
12-15-05, 11:04 AM
once when kyle was out for a morning jog he saw a kitten in a tree. He quickly chopped the tree down with his bare hands and bodyslammed the kitten. When asked about the incident later, Kyle replied that the cat had been "crowding the plate" and that "he came at me first". The next day, Kyle felt very ill and vomited up multiple large hairballs. apparently after body slamming the feline, he felt that "the only humane thing to do was eat the cat". Dimitri Young was interviewed about the fracas and had this to say: "I've always known Kyle to hate on pussies, and i've always known him to enjoy many a woman's, but this is insane!
Paul Wilson could not be reached for comment.
Since the incident, Farnsworth has added three miles an hour to his fastball and, teammates say, he stomps around the clubhouse before games claiming he now has "ten lives". Manager Joe Torre refused to comment on the rumor that Kyle had requested a litter box be installed near his locker.

omg, you have such a vivid imagination.

RhodeyYankee2638
12-15-05, 11:04 AM
My god ths is still goign on? What have I created!


You've created a temple to worship the god Farnsworth and his greatness

IronCaballo4
12-15-05, 11:06 AM
In grade school someone tried to give Kyle Farnsworth a wedgie...but his hands fell off